I'm not going to make excuses, though I do give you my apologies. I just dropped off the web in August after faithfully posting
every week since 2010. I didn't get a
horrible disease or die or anything.
Life just got stressful and I wasn't in a good head place. I actually wrote posts the last few weeks, but I didn't post them. Who wants to
hear me whine? I don't. I'm sick of it.
Yet for all of that, I think people often post only the good
stuff in their lives and I sometimes think that maybe we would all grow if we
understood that other people have struggles to face even when their lives look
perfect and wonderful to us from the outside?
Maybe some of those people actually do have perfect
lives. Good for them. My life has been more of a challenge --
though the other day I was trying to have a good sulk and kept thinking of
people I'm fortunate to have in my life.
I was very cranky that I couldn't even work up a satisfactory pity party
for myself. I decided to take out some
of my frustrations by organizing my garage.
It's not going very well organizationally, but I have been burning off
some excess anger issues.
There's an irony here too because I recently cleared out a
friend's attic, basement, and office/bedroom.
There was a lot of stuff and I happily broke it down into categories and
either stored it in better places or eliminated it. It was so easy and satisfying -- at her house. It's a lot harder when trying to clear out
my own nest.
I'm a secret hoarder.
If you come to my house, you won't see that I have every significant
object of my life, countless treasures from ancestors or garage sales, and of
course, every art supply that I may need for the next masterpiece. I'm just really good at stashing things. I think it comes from having very limited
personal space when I was growing up and sharing a room with two sisters.
I think I can be exactly the same way with my mental
inventory. I remember everything. I've got all those memories stored in
compact places in my brain, stacking things on top of each other and hiding
them in a pretty box. There's good
things about that. I've written a lot
of posts about happy memories. There's
bad aspects to this kind of recall too.
I remember every awful thing that people have said and done to me.
In my garage, I have a lot of lumber stacked up to maximize
the space. It's mostly stored by size
-- which is sort of useful, but not really if I have to unstack it to find wood
for a project. Think about that in
terms of memories. To address a past
issue, I have to sort through ALL of my issues to find the thing that I can fix
and move beyond. It's as overwhelming
as my friend looking at her basement and not knowing where to start because
that was her memories and stuff.
Sometimes I think my brain could be fixed easier by someone else.
