I’m a creative, experienced, multi-purpose artist and art director
who can take projects start to finish in a variety of styles.

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Friday, October 21, 2011

"Fuel" & Giveaway!

How am I supposed to write about “fuel” without launching into a lecture about how people should use less of it? That isn’t going to endear me to anyone except Al Gore and people who wear hemp tank tops – and those kinds of people invite me to vegan potlucks. I bet Tea Partiers roast whole animals over open fires and deep fry turkeys and candy bars. At least the vegans come to the party with homemade wine to help me forget that I got a splinter in my lip eating a lentil salad with a bamboo fork.

There are different kinds of fuel, but almost all of them have some sort of problem connected with them. Talking about any of that stuff is a drag, and I don’t have the ability to solve the toxicity issues of batteries or fracking or nuclear waste or deep sea oil drilling. Obviously, the real solution to this week’s Illustration Friday prompt is to talk about food. Not texturized vegetable protein burgers either. You can’t convince me that’s much better than chewing on tree bark, and a portabella mushroom is NOT “just like meat”. It’s a mushroom. It tastes like a mushroom. It doesn’t fill my belly with happiness.

Having been raised by lunatic health freaks, my fuel of choice contains sugar, preservatives, and artificial colors. Mmmmm!! Never again will I swallow cod liver oil or drink a smoothie with raw garlic and yeast. I don’t care if it’s got a banana in it, you can’t convince me that I’m going to live longer or happier for it. Give me a banana Popsicle.

Just to be clear, neither of my parents would’ve been caught dead in a hemp tank top or listened to the Grateful Dead while stoned. They did, however, feed me buckwheat. I’m still resentful. Mom told me she doesn’t think she’s coming off well enough in this blog and requested revisions. I said I thought that was an unfounded accusation (with proofs), and criticism of my free speech makes me ornery and quite likely to write something else that will make her nuts. (Something like calling her a lunatic health freak?) I’ll leave it to the impartial reader whether or not she was virtuous when she made unflavored, organic yogurt, baked granola, and boiled milkweed pods. You’ll have to imagine my screwed up face remembering these things. Okay, the granola was pretty good, but Mom went along with Dad’s crazy idea that we would eat everything Euell Gibbons said was edible. Euell was wrong! I don’t want to eat every part of a pine tree!

(Oh great, now I've got the Grateful Dead stuck in my head. I'm having flashbacks to a cross-country drive with my ex where we only had one tape to play all the way to Yellowstone and all the way back... and this is after I just spent a day with Australian songs in my head thanks to Andrew Finnie.)

Anyway, I suppose this history might explain why I liked doing packaging for confectioners? I especially liked it when the samples came in!

My friend Korki was clearing out her cupboards and gave me a bag of Ramen noodles the other day. A quick glance at the ingredients told me that this was fuel that would never have been permitted in my childhood. I defiantly boiled water with rapt appreciation for the old adage “Better living through chemicals”. Yum. It takes me back to college in a salty, artificial way when Ramen noodles were 5/$1. The problem with this moment of defiance is that I’ll pay penance with lentils or something. As much as I may mock my parents’ food choices, their lessons crept into my subconscious. I can’t eat cookies and ice cream without guilt. I’ll still eat those things, but I’ll eat my broccoli first and hide lentils in my soup.

As this most holy of holidays for sugar-deprived children approaches, I wish you all every sweetness life has to offer!

eeee GIVEAWAY! eeee

I’m offering my first giveaway to celebrate my upcoming 100th post. I really appreciate all of you who stop by to see my posts. All you have to do to be in the drawing is leave a comment and become a follower. (Thanks to all of you who are already following!) The prize will be a set of 4 cards with original watercolors (6 7/8" x 5"), which are shown in detail in last week’s post. The winner will be drawn on Thursday and announced on Friday.

31 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  2. I like lentils! It was great with the pasta Grandma use to make. Hey, don't be so hard on your parents; just imagine what Euell Gibbons when through :0 Nice art as always~

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  3. Okay, one vote for Mom and Euell. She'll like that :) I dare you to eat milkweed pods!

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  4. Is this your 100th post? or is it next week?
    either way congratulations!!!

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  5. Next Friday is 100, that's why that's when the winner gets announced. Celebrations! Woo hoo!!!

    Milkweed is a weed that grows in wet areas. Birds like them, but it is my personal opinion that we should let the birds have them. They have kind of hairy peas inside of them.

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  6. And milkweed is the food of choice for monarch butterflies.

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  7. I love this post Linda. I really enjoyed it. You were cracking me up with the whole animals over an open flame, because my husband does that. But it's ok, because all the animals are free range, cage free, grass fed, etc, etc... hehehe. We have never deep fried a turkey, but lots of people around here do, sometimes to the detriment of their homes. LOL I also take cod liver oil and drink milk weed tea. I have never tried to boil the pods. Doesn't sound very appealing. So I guess I'm a bit of a mish-mash kind of person.

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  8. Lol! I can so relate to this post! Lol! I've had my childhood filled with cod liver oil, Castoria, Brother John's, etc. I could go on and on. Congrats on the 100th!

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  9. I've been in a goofy mood lately. I guess that's just coming out today? :) Yep, monarch butterflies like milkweed. They can fight it out with the birds. I've never considered having it in tea. Maybe with a lot of honey? I love BBQ, but I don't want to eat anything that still has a head on it. Thanks for the comments! Happy eating!

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  10. Too funny! You can still get Five packages of ramen for a dollar, and many college students who live in apartments eat a lot of it. Not me. I love lentil soup, and eat my yogurt plain, and would rather eat a porta bella mushroom on a good roll than a hunk of beef (though I'm not a vegetarian). I may have done to my kids what your parents did to you, but perhaps not as extreme.

    As for the art, I love love love those leaves--wonderful colors and shapes, the essence of fall!

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  11. Hahahaha, you gave me a good chuckle. Gorgeous leaves! I want to take a running leap into them. :) I don't think I could give up my chemicals and preservatives either. Not completely, anyway. Maybe they'll give me a longer shelf life, you think?

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  12. I always try to sneak in a little flax seed and wheat flour in my recipes. But not enough to taste. Health in moderation I say. My Mom didn't even force me to eat oatmeal. In fact she let me eat cookie crisp cereal for God's sake.

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  13. HA! Great comedic post - you had me at the first paragraph, but then kept going! I love the leaves!

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  14. Now my dear, could you be more hilarious??? As I always say, the best stories come from those who experience them to the bitter end. And I don't think it could be more bitterly experienced than this! Hahaaa!!

    Actually, this is a good reference for me...quite a lot of lessons to stick in my head. Especially NOT to feed my kids smoothie with raw garlic and yeast..or any part of a pine tree! :D :D :D

    And thanks for the giveaway, the winner should so lucky!

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  15. Hahaha! Funny stuff Linda! I love your parents! They wanted the best for you. :o) It’s a lot easier grabbing a Twinkie off the shelf than making home made granola. Euell Gibbons” home was the only house on the block that had two Christmas trees. One to decorate and the other for Christmas dinner :o) Thanks for you entertaining 99 posts... Congrats on 100!..... and 100 followers too!

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  16. I have to admit I got some joy going over 100 followers. Thanks everybody!! I've wondered if I'll get a longer shelf life from preservatives too Bella. I'm glad my childhood provides some laughs for people :D Mom's computer is down this week. I'm wondering if she's going to yell at me for this post. LOL Thanks for the comments!

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  17. Oh, Linda, we are truly kindred spirits! I was also a sugar-deprived child (as far as my mother was concerned, at least. Fortunately, my grandparents felt bad for me and would rev me up on Pyrex mixing bowls full of ice cream with sugar cereal dumped on top - heh.). Were carob chips a staple in your house too? Blech! We also had to eat frozen unflavored gelatin and yogurt pops instead of actual popsicles. Again, blech! But milkweed pods, really? Oy, fortunately my mother never went quite that far. Whew!

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  18. Beautiful autumn leaves! But Linda you aren't serieus with garlic-yeast drinks, uh? That sounds deadly! ;-)

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  19. Sadly Paula, I'm not kidding about the garlic-yeast smoothy. At least when everyone universally gagged on them, Dad was the only one who kept drinking them. And yes Ruth, we had carob chips too. Sigh. At least Grandpa always had ice cream and Grandma kept a full candy bowl and liked to bake cookies :)

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  20. Heisann Linda!

    You are writing about food, I'm about saying yes to people asking me doing this and that... input anyway! We loose ourselves - the self control!!
    I'd like a chocolate just now, but there's no bit in the house...
    Have a nice week ;:OD)

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  21. I'm sure you were very healthy though! Congratulations on 100 posts!

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  22. Yes, we were healthy, and some of this stuff was actually good. Eating violet leaves and tiger lily blossoms were favorites, but I think I like looking at the flowers more :) Thanks for the comments!

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  23. Ha I remember the cod liver oil! Beautiful leaf pattern Linda.

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  24. I always have to chuckle at your tales Linda...I was not sure what half the things your parents fed you were...can you lend me an American/English dictionary, but they sound pretty vile. My Mum gave me cold liver oil and some awful malt stuff on a spoon which still makes me gag just thinking about it. My motto in food and life is everything in moderation! Here's to the 100 post on Friday! Pop open some bubbly and make sure its an non organic variety ;0)
    Jane x

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  25. I'm sorry for all the children who were lined up for cod liver oil Nicky, though we're probably the ones who will live the longest? Yuck! I'm not sure the price was worth paying. And Jane, you don't want to know what all these food items are, though I was thinking I need an English/American dictionary too after reading what Harry Potter eats :) Thanks for the comments!

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  26. Hahaha Linda, oh boy you have made me laugh and I have a warm glow in my cheeks from the silly smile on my face. I think you should have one of those syndicated newspaper columns that go around the world and make you a house hold name worth zillions. But seriously, your work is timeless, you can write on any subject with humour and just enough self reflexive personality to make us identify with you.

    I'm so glad you liked the Oz songs and sorry Grateful dead is stuck in your head. :)

    Seriously, you should be getting your writing 'out there' - wherever 'there' is.

    That's a beautiful leaf pattern so serene and natural and suits the packaging like a well fitting glove.

    Actually you would be proud of me. This week I went to the super market and inspected trolleys, and if I nthought people were buying over packages stuff I waited for them to turn their back, grabbed the 'stuff' and put it back on the shelves, all while saying "One for Hensely!" :)

    Thank you for linking to my site :)

    cheers from deepest darkest Oz!

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  27. LOL Andrew! My influence is being felt on the opposite side of Earth. Woo hoo!! I am the environmental super hero! If I could only sew, I could make a really cool outfit with a cape :)

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  28. I'm a lentil and plain yoghurt lover too! I read labels religiously! I have a daughter studying Nutrition, so I have to!! Seriously though - lovely painting of leaves!

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  29. Thanks Caroline, and thanks for the follow! For everyone else, Caroline is doing a giveaway this week too, so stop by her site.

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