"Whisper"

When I recently took over as boss, I told the women in the office that they didn’t have to whisper their criticisms of me.  Go ahead and talk.  I can’t hear you anyway.  They laughed and said they already knew that.

We were joking, but whispers quite honestly piss me off.  I can’t hear them, and whispering feels like something someone is doing to torment me.  1 in 5 Americans have hearing loss in one ear, and 1 in 8 have it in both ears.  

No, I didn’t go to a bunch of rock concerts, and it isn’t my fault.  I’m not a leper; I’d just appreciate it if you’d get my attention before speaking and speak facing me.  Hearing aids are expensive, aren’t covered by insurance, and mostly amplify background noise.  Maybe I’ll get them someday, but that day hasn’t come.

It’s an isolating, invisible disability.  It’s like I’m supposed to have a red X on my forehead indicating that I’m not making it up, but I don’t look any different than anyone else.  Some people just don’t understand when I say “speak up!” “sorry?” “what?” “say again?”  “huh?” “would you repeat that?” 

Last time I checked, I’m operating on about half of normal hearing, with loss in both ears.  I had an interesting exam where I was supposed to repeat words a woman said.  I have to hear words in context to get the meaning of things, and random words are impossible for me, especially when I couldn’t see the woman’s mouth.  “Bike” could be anything.  Diet, bat, bad, bite, dog, cat?  Is this multiple choice?  The testing woman’s eyes expressed surprise, disappointment, and incredulity.  My frustration level went up, and I failed the test in flames.

I failed my first hearing test in 3^rd grade.  It was the first test I had ever taken that I hadn’t aced.  My parents discussed it in the living room, and I have no idea what they said.  Murmur, murmur, murmur was something I was used to hearing, but now I knew that wasn’t normal.  I was defective, and did everything in my power to hide that from regular, untainted people.

Okay, sometimes I give myself a pity party when the ringing in my head is too loud, or I can’t hear the sweet nothings a lover whispers in my ear, or I missed the punchline of a joke, but mostly I cope.  Everybody’s got something they have to deal with, and I suppose we’ll all have more stuff to deal with as we get older.  All I ask is please speak up!

Despite my religious job, I like non-religious hymns, and I figure this is a good one no matter what spiritual pursuits you follow.  Besides, this is one I can actually plunk out on a piano.  It’s by Clara H. Scott (1841-1897).  Somehow I remember my Sunday school class singing this with a lot more gusto than I can find on youtube…

Open my eyes, that I may see

glimpses of truth thou hast for me;

place in my hands the wonderful key

that shall unclasp and set me free.

Silently now I wait for Thee,
Ready my God, Thy will to see,
Open my eyes, illumine me,
Spirit divine!

Open my ears, that I may hear

voices of truth thou sendest clear;

and while the wavenotes fall on my ear,

everything false will disappear.

Silently now I wait for thee,

ready, my God, thy will to see.

Open my ears, illumine me, Spirit divine!

Open my mouth, and let me bear

gladly the warm truth everywhere;

open my heart and let me prepare

love with thy children thus to share.

Silently now I wait for thee,

ready, my God, thy will to see.

Open my heart, illumine me, Spirit divine!