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Sunday, August 25, 2013

"Rescue"

My high school friend was cute, fun and smart – and attracted troubles like a magnet attracts nails.  We stayed friends after school, but at some point I’d had enough with the drama and lost touch.  She found me online after a lot of years, and I have to admit I paused to consider before answering her email.  I remembered her crazy husband and other stuff I’m not going to mention here.  I still cared about her.  I just wanted to keep my sanity.

It was a bad time in my life when she contacted me.  I was laid off and broke.  People kept telling me I was “too old” to get a job and nobody would hire me without a current employment, but I kept applying and wondering what I was going to do with myself if I couldn’t get work.

Sometimes what people need most is money.  I hear politicians saying stuff about welfare and food stamps, and one thing I know for sure is that none of those people know what it’s like to really be poor.  I understand welfare doesn’t teach people how to fend for themselves, but we need a place to live and food to eat before we can think about stuff like career advancement.

Even in my poverty, I knew I was better off than a lot of people.  I’m healthy, smart, educated, and able.  I have friends who gave me emotional and financial support when I needed it, and they provide living examples of how to get through difficult times.  It’s so much easier to keep going when you see the road you’re supposed to be on, and I have to think that it would be much more difficult if you’re stuck in the country or in the ghetto without those kinds of examples.

I know it’s supposed to be shameful to accept money from friends, but mine gave me some in ways I was able to accept, letting me keep my pride and keeping my head above water.  My highschool friend said I had helped her when she needed it and remembered things I hadn’t given a thought about since they happened, like giving her $50 so she could buy diapers and necessities.  That $50 was a long time ago.  I never regretted it or missed it even though it was quite a lot of money for both of us at the time.  It’s just something she needed and I had to give.  I didn’t give it to her for a payback with interest 30 years later.

We can give to some people and all they’ll do is take.  They’re bottomless pits, and they use a lot of emotional extortion to get what they want.  It isn’t helping to give to people like that, but there are so many people like I was at that time.  I desperately wanted help, didn’t know how to ask for it, or how to accept it when it came.  It was far easier for me to give that $50 back when.

My highschool friend thanked me for past favors I had forgotten about.  She gave me credit for sacrifices I made for others that I didn’t think anyone else ever noticed.  I didn’t do any of those things for a karmic rebound a few decades later, but it makes me think there’s a lot of truth in the saying “what goes around comes around”.  Maybe not in any of the ways we expect, but things have a way of working out.

I offered to pay her back when I had money again, but she said “no, just help someone else in the future.”  Excellent advice, and something I admire in another of my friends.  Let’s all spread some hope to people who need it.  I resolved to help others in ways that helps them back to their feet.  It’s hard to know how best to help, but sometimes the simplest answer is best, and sometimes it means money for diapers.

(BTW, my highschool friend straightened her life out and it's been a pleasure talking with her again.)

19 comments:

  1. I am a great believer in what goes round comes round Linda. I am glad you caught up with your friend and that you are able to now have a grown up friendship ;0)

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  2. Brilliant insights as always, Linda!
    You would have been an excellent Mom, I think. I can just imagine you sitting down to coffee with a struggling daughter, serving up wisdom and some excellent chocolate chip cookies or triple fudge cake. Fortunately for your blog fans, you share your well-reflected-upon experiences with us. No cookies and cake though, dang! :-)

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  3. Maybe someday we'll all find a way to have cake together? That would be quite a party! Thanks for the comments!

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  4. I have a friend that kept bugging me to do freebie art projects. I always grumbled on the inside and did them. She finally said she would buy me a bottle of wine. I was happy that she was showing some appreciation. Finally. She brought a whole case. I was thrilled!

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  5. Oh that is so so sweet. I think you have paid back your friend with interest with this blog. To bad she couldn't pay you back the interest she owes you for the telephone pole you took credit for taking out on a very snowy day in January in 1982.

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  6. BTW that 50 you gave me went towards a Kermit the frog and a bugs bunny onzey.

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  7. Linda is an excellent mom just ask Peter and Chris

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  8. Good for you Sharon! I know all about the freebie art, but never got a case of wine for it.

    Ah yes about that telephone pole Leanne :) I've hated telephone poles ever since. They junk up the landscape and are way too expensive. I'm glad to be part of Kermit and Bug Bunny gifts!

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  9. It's evident in your words that you've banked enough good karma for it to come back to you for the rest of your life, Linda. Good for you!

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  10. So what happened to all those karma points for the intervening 30 years Rand? Ah well, I figure if I do things the way that feels right to me at least I can hold my head up when the universe smacks me or rewards me :)

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  11. Very nice story, Linda, with good morals. Your illustration is spot on 'rescue'.

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  12. What a lovely post! Thank you! That's such a good thing to keep in mind.

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  13. Thanks to you for taking the time to read it! Maybe someday the world will be perfect and we won't have to think about such things? Thanks for the comments!

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  14. Touching and insightful. You are absolutely right about those in power who says that people have only themselves to blame if they are poor, that those people never have experienced being poor themselves. Even if, they would still have a lot of resources to count on. If you don't have anything and no resources, that's a whole different story. Yes, of course there are people who will always take advantage, but you can't build a society on their behavior. The fact that you have been there yourself, makes you a much more compassionate and understanding human being. Thank you for sharing your experience. And, yes, it's great that you have been able to reconnect with your friend.

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  15. Thanks so much Otto! I know you've seen a lot of the world and have met so mnay people who've really had to scrape to get by. I'm sure it gives you a very interesting look at the world and the rest of us are lucky that you capture it on film.

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  16. Another great post Linda. I always love reading your stories :)

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  17. Your illustration is soothing and perfect for this post.

    When I give, it is mostly money - unless it is someone who has lots of it already. It's the one thing that allows a person to take care of whatever need or pleasure he or she decides upon. I've never been in your shoes (without job or adequate funds), but I'd like to think that I would have done as you did - to not give up, to accept help gratefully when I truly needed to, and to be willing to give back.

    It's also good that you can relate to others who have lacked money, to be able to "explain it." As much as people like to do, everyone can't be lumped into one explanation.

    I'm glad your old friend has matured. :)

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  18. This is such a great story, Linda! And you are so right about all those people who think nothing of cutting food stamps and other social welfare programs. That's what a government is supposed to do! All those idiots can think about is that someone might be cheating the system, someone might be getting something they don't deserve... and they don't care about all the other people who suffer as a result of their actions. Ugh!

    It's so great that the story of your old friend has improved so much, and so cool that she was able to remind you that people appreciated you even when you didn't know they did. :)

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