I’m a creative, experienced, multi-purpose artist
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Saturday, January 18, 2014

"Beginning"


This feather was my first blog post.  I gave it away recently, and somehow felt like it flew to the right home at the right time.  I don't give things like this away very often because it represents two firsts.  First blog post and first art after a long break from creative things.  I like to keep firsts like this because it reminds me of my mental and emotional state at a different time in my life.

I really don't need things to remind me of the past, but sometimes a thing, or smell, or taste can bring that past up quicker and closer than just mentally trying to regrasp it.  I can imagine the sound of Grandma in the kitchen stirring cookie batter with a stainless steel spoon in a heavy glass bowl, and the metallic tink can remind me of the warm sunlight streaming through the white bordered windows in the turquoise room and the smell of vanilla...

When I was laid off, I had a lot of time to relive those kinds of moments.  I liked to write about them, and it seemed like people liked to read them to remind them of their own memories.  Since I've been working all the time lately, now I enjoy hearing about other people's happy childhood memories because it's a short-cut to my happy feelings.

Different pictures flit through my mind of crayfish hiding under algae-covered rocks, Mom's Chanel #5, Dad carving in the garage, my sisters laughing in the yard, red Kool-aid... the pictures come and go in my mind without any real pattern or story, just the bits of color in the pattern of my life.

Today, I told friends about being pushed into a 3rd grade math class when I was still in 1st grade.  I cried when I told the principal "I'm not emotionally mature enough for 3rd grade!" and surprised myself today when my eyes filled with tears again.  Maybe I'll never be emotionally mature enough for 3rd grade?

In the grand scheme of things, this was a little moment -- but it was a first moment too.  The beginnings of feelings of being out of step with the world around me.  I think everybody has them in one way or another, and we don't always get to go back to first grade and learn to adjust as I had the chance to do, with friendly, happy kids accepting me back into their flock.

I don't know how to understand "beginning".  The world is infinite, and infinity is beyond me.  I don't know where the beginning of space or time or God is.  The acorn is the beginning of a tree, but it's a bit of the tree that dropped it, so maybe the beginning of the tree isn't the acorn or the whole line of acorns and trees before it, but something that is so far beyond my sense of reality that it all blurs into... okay, this is probably why I get told to quit thinking so much?

The word for the week is "beginning".  The feather was my beginning into blogging.  'Nuff said?

15 comments:

  1. Great wisdom here. Thanks. Nice to touch base again with LInda's brain... :)

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  2. I'm glad you have this blog because you "do" think a lot! And you've got us to tell it all to. You've got the best childhood stories! As for beginnings, I think back sometimes, too, but it all seems foggy; real, imagined, good, bad, and enhanced-all combined.

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  3. Your blog was also the beginning of a friendship, via the Pond, which I have enjoyed for nearly 4 years Linda...I am so glad there was that first feather. I love how smells, sounds, sights and even pain can trigger such powerful memories. Happy Sunday x

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  4. Blogging has been fun and rewarding because of the friends I've found here. Thanks! Who knew that writing these little things every week could be such a fulfilling activity? It seems like so long ago that I felt such a push/pull about opening up about things through writing, but I'm so glad I worked through that internal obstacle. Thanks everybody! I feel like I've gotten so much from getting to know you!

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  5. How wonderfully apt for "beginning"! I'm glad you had that first blog post too, and all that have followed. Love the feather - what a gift for whomever you gave it to!

    May neither of us become emotionally mature enough for third grade.

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  6. I love your last paragraph, Linda. Where indeed is the beginning of a circle that describes the whole? I vaguely remember this being a topic of consideration in High School Algebra, which I definitely did not have the brain cells for... I think this whole question of where does something begin is mostly for an illusionary 'knowing' for our little minds that, as you noted, can never really grasp the Immensity of it all. Loved the vanilla fragrance here! :-)

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  7. nice and reflective.

    I should start blogging.

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  8. Lovely insightful post. At Christmas I saw relatives who I hadn't seen for sixteen years, and since then all sorts of memories from my childhood have been coming back to me. I can relate to your school story too - I remember tearfully begging a teacher not to give me a prize, because I didn't want to stand out at all..!

    Beautiful feather! I'm sure it is very much appreciated in its new home!

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  9. Thanks everybody! Sometimes I'm struck how much alike we all are, including some of our experiences. At least we all survived 3rd grade!

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  10. First of all, let me thank you for being a loyal visitor to my blog, when I've been a bit neglectful in the blog visiting department. Your thoughtful comments mean a lot to me. This really lovely post (both the image and the words) was very thought-provoking. I was feeling like I should've started with a clean slate and been a better blogger as of January 1. But you remind me that beginnings aren't always where they seem. We can certainly, then, create our own. Thank you, Linda!

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  11. I don't feel like I get to visit as much as I'd like either, but it's always a treat to see your posts Sarah. I think you're more of an inspiration. Thanks!

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  12. I still remember my first blog post. And my first followers. It was so fun to get new ones. Even though they mainly follow just to be followed back. Now I can hardly get a new follower to save my life!

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  13. I know the feeling Sharon. Though I have to admit I worked hard to get followers in the beginning by visiting a lot of other people. I just don't have the time to do that any more, but it's fun to do. There's so much creativity out there to explore.

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  14. Beautiful feather Linda, i am so glad you began to blog. Always enjoy my visits to your blog for a storytelling and illustration fix :)

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  15. Thanks Amanda! I always enjoy seeing your work too!

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