I’m a creative, experienced, multi-purpose artist and art director
who can take projects start to finish in a variety of styles.

Good designs sell –
my designs sell out!

Saturday, February 22, 2014


"I'm kinda bummed I missed the flood this year" I thought to myself while I drove down a twisting, scenic road next to the river.  I smiled to myself because I'm not sure if people would laugh at my dialect or feeling.

Take this dialect quiz to see where you're from (sorry, it's just the US).  I am clearly from Cleveland, but I could go to Toledo or Detroit without an interpreter.

At my first college party a boy said, "You're from one of those W cities by Cleveland, aren't you?"  ?!  That's a pretty specific 10 square miles in the world, and people on TV talk like me.  Mostly.  But even westsiders think I have an accent.  I don't see it since they're the ones who talk like farmers.  Sometimes people even ask if I'm British.  That's people from Cleveland, mind you.  No offense to my British friends, but I'm pretty sure you know you talk funny.  I know because I've watched all the Harry Potters.  Besides, everybody I've known since I was a kid talks my way.

As for missing the flood... well, I love the spring floods and we haven't had a good one in a long time.  Part of it's that people see my river in the summer and say ignorant things like "Aw, that's a pretty, little crick" without realizing that they're insulting and underestimating a force that I love.

Okay, it doesn't have a whole lot of water in it the summer, but it is the fastest river in Ohio -- which has to count for something.  When it freezes solid like it did this year, with many tons of snow on it, I expected a big event, but alas, I missed it.  It's a mere 6' deep now and the ice on the sides is nonremarkable and melting fast.

When I was about 10 or so, I was listening to the neighborhood men laying bets on when the ice would break.  We heard a low, moaning, creak in the dark night -- but nothing happened so they kept betting and drinking.  Creeeeak.  Hmmm... the men revised some bets.  CRACK!!!

The water oozed under the ice and we started walking slowly backwards.  The men laughed and popped open more beer.  The water kept coming, so we walked backwards a little faster.  Still coming, then really coming, and we turned around and ran as fast as we could and still barely managed to escape while the river ice folded on top of itself in a roaring blast before it broke free, smashing everything and everyone in its path.

The next day there was mud in some houses and other houses had been rearranged.  Above the river banks huge blocks of ice rose like staggering skyscrapers after the apocalypse.  Climbing those blocks was a terribly bad idea since they were super slick slides straight into the roaring river.  (Which doesn't mean I didn't try before ceding to some common sense.)  The National Weather Service says the record flood was 18' deep, but I could swear I've seen it higher.  Any way you look at it though, it's Nature's orgasm with a lot of water moving as fast as it can to Lake Erie.

Einstein used to stare at a flooding river too.  I don't think it's a coincidence he's the one who came up with E=MC2.  I'm not sure how he factored space into this because the mass takes up a different amount of space depending on if it's frozen or fluid -- which was my original thought when I started writing about this, but even I've got to admit that's a really abstract thought even in my own head.

Photos are from a parking lot I was in earlier today.  Keep in mind that stuff has been rained on and melting for days!


  1. There is an aweful lot of snow still to melt there Linda....here in the UK the flooding has just been terrible and I must admit it got within a few miles of where I live.That's the power of Mother Nature. Everyone is g for someone to blame...how about Einstein ;0) Accents fascinate me too...some people ask me if I'm Australian...! Keep dry x

  2. My college acting teacher asked me if I was Czechoslovakian because of my dialect! Really confused me. LOL I really like your writings, Linda...almost as much as your art.

  3. There are so many accents that do tend to grow out of specific areas. The English language must have thousands of different speech patterns. You say "zee" and I say "zed". You go "what?" and I go "eh?" :)

  4. I always say Uff Da Lutefisk. When I'm frustrated. Don't ya know. You Betcha. But when I'm mad I say God F@#$%&% Dam#$. It is universal.

  5. It's snowing again and I'm wishing hard for spring! It's been a long, hard winter. I might've said a cuss word or two when I saw the white stuff this morning in my own dialect -- which is probably a lot like your's Sharon :) Thanks for the comments!

  6. I have never seen a big river break as you describe here. Must be quite an awesome sight - if it's not you or your belongings that is part of what you coolly describe as "smashing everything and everyone in its path". Maybe not so fun any more then... By the way in reference to Einstein's equation between mass and energy. You are right that the mass takes up a different amount of space depending on if it's frozen or fluid - but the mass is still the same.

  7. Quite a pile up - in your image and your photos!
    Another of your crazy life stories! Waiting for the river ice to break. lol
    I've taken the test before and it came up with Baltimore, Richmond, and a city in NC. This time, Baltimore, Washington, DC and Richmond. I lived in Maryland for 10 years and now I'm near Richmond, so it's accurate.
    I must admit that I've wondered if it's totally legit. The internet knows where you are when you're taking the test. I guess someone from Boston would have to take it from my house near Richmond to know for sure.

  8. I hadn't thought about the internet knowing where I'm at, but that sounds like a fair point. On the other hand, it says I'm from Cleveland because I call the area between the curb and sidewalk a tree lawn. Apparently it's only a tree lawn in Cleveland and nowhere else -- but then what do other people call it?

    Thanks for explaining about mass Otto and thanks for the comments!

  9. I think I know how you feel about the flood. I get visceral pleasure from water being realeased in large amounts, either in rain, snow, or melting ice. I enjoy the extravagance of it and identify with that release somehow. Its often a secret, guilty pleasure that I keep to myself, because I know people around me may be having minor or major hardship because of all that water.

  10. Loving the icy tones of the painting!! Gorgeous! Unfortunately I can relate to the parking lot photos only too well. They look like they were taken here in RI. And we've got another big storm predicted for Monday. Sigh.

  11. This specific certainly an excellent web-site you’ve visiting this site. The matter is quite enlightening along with direct to the level. Psyched to read simple things more about your site the very next time.
    Top Ten Web Hosting Reviews

  12. I enjoy good thunderstorms too. Lots of water always feels like it's clearing away the old stuff and cleaning everything up even if it leaves a mess behind. Of course easy for me to say since it wasn't my house messed up by the flood.

    I got the tip of your snowstorm Mit. About another 3" or so, but with other people getting worse I feel like I'm not allowed to complain -- but I can't wait for spring!!!