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Friday, May 2, 2014


I'll be the first to admit I've had vengeful thoughts.  A lot of them.  Don't bother telling me that you haven't.  What about when some kid hit you with a Tonka truck when you were playing in the sandbox?  When you're really small you might just cry.  When you're a little older you probably struck back with a bigger truck.  Such is humanity's nature.

On the other hand, I think the best revenge is living well -- and I'll tell you honestly, that bit of wisdom took me a long time to come around to accepting.  There's some people I still want to hit with a Tonka truck.  In fact, forget Tonka. I'm thinking Mack truck.  (That's a big semi truck for moving stuff for those of you who don't know.)  But hitting them with a truck of any size doesn't make my problems go away, and dwelling on how much I hate them only uses up the energy I could otherwise be using to improve my life.  Besides, adults who do revenge-worthy activities are doing those things to keep others down.  Refusing to allow them to keep us down is the ultimate win.

But yes, I've had angry thoughts.  I've had so much anger inside with no place for it to go that I turned it at myself, which is the ultimate win for people who wanted to hurt me.  They don't have to keep hurting me if I'll do it for them.

My first boyfriend was an older man.  He was 18 to my 13 or 14.  He was a sweet farm boy, and I liked holding hands and kissing.  I thought that was all there was to a relationship and daydreamed our future of perpetual handholding, marriage, and perfect babies.  This continued on in a very pleasant way for several months until he pawed at me in his truck and I expressed outrage about him invading my private space.

Okay, now I'm able to wonder about his restraint up to that memorable night while laughing at myself for ever having that level of innocence.  Poor Dave.  Poor next girlfriend of Dave.  I bet he quit being so patient after that, and I made it worse by leaving a dead snake in his truck.  Maybe if I were older I would've discussed boundaries and expectations, but I wasn't older.  My body was more mature than my mind.

Sometimes I send out happy thoughts for Dave.  I hope I didn't mess him up because I really did care about him, and he was a nice guy.  I was just too young to date.  The snake was an impulsive, childish whim egged on by a spiteful friend.  I'm ashamed of myself, but there's no changing it.  The only thing left is to learn the lesson from the experience.

No more dead snakes.  (Which I didn't kill by the way.  I just found it on the road.)  No more Tonka trucks.  It's not like I haven't gotten provocations, and a lot worse than a teenaged boy trying to get in my shirt, but revenge doesn't take me anywhere I want to be.

I used to draw a lot of trucks for Sherwin-Williams.  My trucks were templates for companies' logos and such.  I laughed at the irony of getting these jobs despite my complete lack of interest in vehicles while my male coworkers sighed and salivated after those opportunities.  Maybe it all worked out in the universe through some Tonka karma?


  1. Remind me not to hit you with a Tonka truck! LOL (Is that blood on the front of the illustrated truck?) yikes!

  2. Why yes, that is blood on the front of the truck. So glad you noticed! LOL

  3. I think the worst I have ever done is stabbing the poor fool who sat behind me in one of my junior high school classes on his hand with my pen for calling me a turtleneck one too many times. The thought of his skin hanging off my pen still makes my stomach turn and I think has kept me pretty passive since. You are so right that a good life is far better revenge.

  4. Me? Vengeful thoughts?
    What do you think?

  5. I've learned since junior high that boys considered their idiotic teasing as flirting. You should've felt complimented Cindy LOL Kind of makes my stomach turn a bit too though about skin hanging off your pen. Ah well, live and learn, right?

    I'm just laughing with you Josh :)

  6. Well, if it was, he stopped flirting after that. LOL Maybe that's how junior high school boys learn the proper way to flirt. (Is there one?) Ha ha! Makes you think anyway.

  7. I'm pretty sure high school boys are doomed. Either they're idiots for attention or they're so nice we turn them into friends :)

  8. Trucks have many uses don't they? But I agree with you, getting angry with others or even getting even with them, only makes them win over you. The best is just ignore all those you don't like (or don't like you, which is usually the same thing) - of course without giving up your integrity. It's not always easy, but it makes you enjoy life instead of mentally going to less pleasant places.

  9. Keep in mind that I'm not recommending these uses for trucks :) Enjoying life is so much more important!

  10. When I was a teenager I found a small animal skull in the yard and hung it in the locker of one of my tormentors. It still brings a smile to my face. It sucks being too mature to do things like that any more. Because I have so much devious creativity. Oh well.

  11. That sounds like a painting you really need to do Sharon! Is it wrong that your story makes me smile too?

  12. Ha! Tonka Karma, indeed.
    Living well really is better, but doesn't always feel quite so good in the moment.
    I like your logoless truck!

  13. Sometimes we've got to look at things in the long term, but I understand wanting to do certain things in the moment too. Thanks Abby!

  14. I'm lucky not to feel revenge but I agree with your that refusing to be a victim and to live well is the best answer.

    I'm also now at the age to notice that the queens, the bullies, the most popular and trendsetter-or dictators of the past are not doing all that well. They burned down a bit too quickly in their lives. It is better to be like us: keeping a low profile and living well.

  15. Sometimes the queens and bullies get the faces they deserve, but sometimes they still look good, which I find very unfair unless they've learned to be nicer. I think you're right though Paula, our way is the best way :)