A lot of people have written a lot of things about Robin Williams. I don't know that I've heard the kinds of things I've wanted to hear though. Of course the likelihood of that happening would increase if I'd actually pay more attention to my tv, but the sampling I've gotten has left me feeling... well, I'm not sure. Unsatisfied.
Robin Williams was an important person in my life. I know, he wasn't even aware of my existence beyond a statistic, but I watched Mork and Mindy when it was new, I watched all of his movies. I cried during Good Will Hunting, a movie that I own 2 copies of just in case something happens to the first copy. It's my favorite movie of all favorite movies.
I know we don't know celebrities the way their friends and families know them, but Robin gave us so much information about himself. Just the fact that he had to act out so outrageously so much of the time tells us a lot about his unmet needs. He told us about addiction and depression. He was very honest with us, in the ways that he could be honest, and told us more by the roles he chose and how he acted them.
I am nothing like Robin Williams, I am a lot like him.
I feel like the tv people are all missing the boat when they talk about Robin's death. A lot of people struggling with demons, and sometimes people lose the will or strength to keep fighting the battle. Give them credit for fighting the good fight as long as they have.
I want the retrospective love fest of showing Robin's work. It's a lot like going through old photos after a breakup or after someone we really know and love dies. It's a process of letting go and remembering, and remembering that those moments are with us for life in our memories, but the voice in my head says I want them to really talk about depression and what it is, how it feels. If the bulk of society can't understand that, then I don't feel understood either, and I suppose that is somewhere in Robin's last thoughts too.
A long-time friend of mine tried to commit suicide a number of times. I don't blame her. She's had more crap in her life than most people could imagine if they tried. Not blaming doesn't mean that I want her to die though. I want her to somehow find a way past her torment. I want her happy. I help in the ways that I can think to help, but I don't know the answers a lot of the time.
I've thought about suicide. I think a lot of people have. I haven't tried it, but I wanted off the planet in a very serious way. If you really want the truth, the reason I didn't do it is because I was afraid crossing into the next life would be worse as a result. Then the clouds part, good things start happening again, someone makes you laugh, and living starts feeling possible again.
I'm so sorry that Robin Williams couldn't get to a happy place again. I'm so sorry he's gone and won't make me laugh or cry except in retrospectives. RIP