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Saturday, March 10, 2018

"Talisman"

I'm still painting obsessively tiny things, with far too much detail to be entirely sane.  Taking photos and enlarging them makes me very aware that all of this would be simpler to do in PhotoShop in the first place, or easy to fix things in PS, but that would defeat the purpose.  I want to spend time with my thoughts and paint brushes.  It's meditation.

This painting is related to my recent painting of the box.  There were too many things to put in that box so I painted some folders for topics to be addressed later.  Here, the folder on my last job is opened.  It's a work in progress.  I feel like I'm spending a stupid amount of time on what is essentially the background, but yeah, meditation.

Through the process, I own that there were parts of the job that I really loved.  I made real friends.  I got to design and write printed pieces I am proud of making.  I was very good at juggling numbers and data and people.  I saved enough of my earnings to be able to paint what I want for a while.

Glass half empty or half full?  It was also such a hostile environment I had to leave.  I obviously still have enough feelings about that to feel inspired to make a painting about it -- and even so, part of me feels grateful.  Not for the abuse, but the learning and experiencing in an environment I'd never go to if it weren't for the paycheck.

We always have a choice about where we put our attention.  I'm pretty sure there are certain people at the Shrine that I will always remember with loathing -- but why should I allow those people space in my mind?  I realize we don't get to choose our feelings, but we also don't have to let those feeling take over all the good around us.  I can think of my Shrine friends instead.  One of them recently got married and is having a second baby.  Woo hoo!  Happy, happy!

I originally thought painting negative issues would be seriously depressing and I'd be left with paintings I wouldn't want to look at.  I'm finding the opposite to be true.  I'm loving my paintings.  Instead of feeling down, I'm happier.  Wrap it up, tie it with a bow, and get rid of the sh*t.  Yay!  Documenting past ills lets me quit carrying them.  Even naming my anger is liberating.  Maybe I should become an art therapist?

Anyway, talisman... "an object thought to have magic powers and bring good luck."

Saint Ann's Shrine has 1st-class relics Pope-certified as pieces of bone of Jesus' grandmother.  The chapel and relics fell under my department, and while my title was officially "Development Director", I preferred to call myself "Shrine Keeper".  The Church didn't need to know I was inspired by Merlin in Mary Stewart's books*.  I was pleased shrine keeping is an actual job in the 21st century

Religion can be fascinating when viewed from an inside seat without the indoctrination.  I said I'd put energy into getting my book on the subject published.  I'm rather ashamed to say that I haven't done it.  I've been painting, and that seems more important right now.  However, I have followed through with my walking and actually made it to my park.  I even walked the flattish bit of the park.  I then walked home and discovered impressive blisters on my feet, preventing me from walking anymore this week.  Are we sure exercise is actually good for us?

*Mary Stewart's Merlin books are some of my all-time favorites.  They are:  The Crystal Cave, The Hollow Hills, The Last Enchantment, and The Wicked Day.

8 comments:

  1. You’re walking you’re supposed to be a good exercise postman would live forever and they don’t. I love your insight into naming and painting your angst and stop carrying it. I used to do that making bread after work. Name the loaf mixing the ingredients, beating and pounding it while I worked up a good sweat and let it rise overnight in the fridge.

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  2. Almost makes me want to make bread. As for postal workers, their stress might work against their exercise in factoring longevity? I can see walking is helping my endurance. That's got to count for something.

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  3. I think maybe we all have unique activities that are meditative to us - and I think you found yours!
    " Wrap it up, tie it with a bow, and get rid of the sh*t. Yay!" - well said!

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  4. Maybe that part is yet another painting? Wishing everyone freedom from the sh*t that drags them down!

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  5. Linda, I like your detailed painting. It is such wonderful focused mediation. I do the same with drawing and embroidery. The more detailed, the better because it creates so much focus and stillness in the mind. Your paintings look wonderful. They beg to be inspected with ones nose very close to the canvas. Well done!

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  6. Thanks! At different times in my life I've done the same with drawing and embroidery. I've decided this painting is part of a series, so more to come!

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  7. Art is never about what is easy, is it. The meditative part of is important, too. And the value of doing the work in what feels the right way.

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  8. You said it! I like this: "doing the work in what feels the right way". I think I've fought that most of my life and am reveling in the work I've been doing lately.

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