The composition turned into a hairy nightmare because I'm letting these paintings grow in their own ways as I discover new ideas about the issues I'm pondering. It's so much easier when I know what I want to paint in the first place, but I'm loving the challenge of these projects, and when I get to the point when I actually sign them I feel joy. I even enjoy looking at these paintings when they're done, which I think is an odd result when I'm painting about unpleasant events in my life.
Part of the pleasure is finding good times during periods I've remembered as blanket negativity. I racked up quite a few honors and accomplishments. I met really interesting and influential people. I helped kids rack up honors and accomplishments too. I stood on a stage and gave speeches to hundreds of people without passing out.
At the same time, the people were truly terrible. Two of them are currently in prison. I was repeatedly threatened, assaulted, harassed, and stalked. My house and office were repeatedly broken into. I couldn't get support from anyone including legal authorities, relatives, or friends. And oh yeah, one of those friends was having an affair with my husband. Bleak times. My health suffered.
In times like this it's hard to see life getting better, yet it did -- and then the cycle repeated, which is often the case because when I shut the door on that past I failed to examine some critical lessons. I kept people in my life who failed me when I needed them, so it shouldn't have been a surprise they didn't help me when new problems entered my life. I was still surprised and disappointed.
Victims are told not to talk about negatives. Think happy thoughts. Quit dwelling on the past. Forgive. No. Perhaps these advisors live rosy lives without this kind of grief, but I suspect a lot of people can relate to some of my miseries after witnessing the Me Too movement. Me Too gives victims a voice they've been denied, and I think there's something very healing about hearing their stories and empathizing with their pain.
I boohooed about getting divorced and found the sun shone more brightly on the other side of the courthouse. I worried about money and earned more after getting out of that hellhole. Life gets better, and bad cycles don't have to repeat when we own the cycles of the past. It takes some honest soul searching and effort, but it's worth it.
And yes, I stretched the "hairy" topic this week even though I have lots of art with hairy subjects. Sometimes it's just better to follow our own music!