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Friday, June 1, 2012

"Hurry"

I had a near death experience (NDE) when I was young.  There wasn’t a bright light.  Jesus and dead relatives didn’t come to greet me.  In fact, nothing about my NDE seemed to be like everybody else’s.  I just went into a strange gray place and waited for the outcome.  I felt like there was a doorway to another kind of life if I actually died, but I didn’t get to see what was on the other side.  To tell the truth, it wasn’t very exciting, but the experience left me with a hurried feeling that I have to accomplish things, but it was tempered by the fact that I was still young and had a lot of time.  The afterlife was giving me very mixed messages, especially since I wasn’t told what I’m supposed to do.  “Why am I here?” is a question that’s been asked for millennia.  There has to be a point to it all, right?  Is it to make art, or touch a child’s life, or stop war, or save the planet?  Whatever it is, hurry!!

Sometimes I get very impatient with time wasters.  My ex was a master at it.  Waiting my turn to talk to customer service in India is an exercise in misery.  “You’re wasting my life!!!” screams in my head while I listen to canned music on the phone.  Maybe that time could’ve been used to cure cancer, but I’ll never get it back.  It doesn’t matter that I don’t have a clue how to cure cancer.  Maybe I could’ve learned how in all those cumulative hours with customer service?  How many people have died from cancer because customer service sucked out everyone’s life essence with elevator music?

Two different people have told me about hellish NDEs.  These people were nasty before their NDEs and neither seemed to think they had to change afterwards.  One woman told me she had to feel the pain she caused other people.  She had teased another girl to tears on the playground, and the grown woman who had to feel that pain mocked the little girl for crying.  The woman completely failed to learn empathy, and she’s terrified to die.  The lesson here is obvious to me, but is completely non-understandable to her.  Sometimes I wonder if I’m missing something as completely obvious in my life, because if I recognized it, then I might know what I’m supposed to be hurrying up and accomplishing.

When I was living in the woods, I took daily walks with my dog and examined the minutia of nature in a quiet, contemplative way that’s only possible when we don’t have any major responsibilities.  I found a small field of violets and picked several million of them while my happy dog, who had even fewer responsibilities than me, slept in the puddle of sunshine.  I made a lovely purple syrup out of the flowers which is high in vitamins A and C.  It tasted wonderful.  I bottled enough to last quite a while, but all good things come to an end, and eventually I needed more violets.  My trusty dog and I went back to the violet field and discovered that the predominant plant in midsummer is poison ivy.  Bummer.  No more violet syrup, but the experience taught me that everything has its season.  Everything happens in its own time.  If I honor the seasons, I’ll never have to hurry.

Well, at least that’s the way of life when we’re in tune with nature, but people have an annoying habit of putting deadlines on things.  Once, my boss gave me an impossible deadline and I snarled in exasperation, “All your deadlines are arbitrary!!”  She actually laughed and admitted it was true.  The deadline in question WAS entirely arbitrary.  “Okay, get it finished by next week.”  What?!?!  I was torn between conflicting urges to hug her or kill her.  Maybe if I’d only half-killed her she could’ve had her own interesting NDE, and possibly become more empathetic?

I doodled this art in pencil on notebook paper while watching TV.  That seemed too lazy, but I lacked energy to actually get up for better supplies, so I doodled it bigger in ball point pen on another piece of notebook paper.  Since I wrote about actually doing stuff and living my life’s mission, it just didn’t seem right to do such lazy art for this post.  I scanned it in and fiddled a while in PhotoShop.  Do you think I should’ve left well enough alone and just used the pencil version?  Do you have an interesting NDE to share?

27 comments:

  1. My whole experience at one of my jobs was an NDE LOL Hey I believe I saw you there too!

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  2. This is an incredibly timely post for me. Your image in ball-point is plenty to get the point across. I'm glad you stuck around after your NDE to share your purpose with us!

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  3. Linda, interesting post as always. No NDE here. After reading some of your posts about the fire tower and others adventures I'm surprised you didn't have more than one.
    I think what is interesting is the older I get the more time seems to fly by. It gives me a feeling that I need to put in the time I need to to be as good as I can be at my craft. I also think that being the parent of an autistic son gives me enough purpose for a lifetime . These are both about what I love.

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    1. My comment just had a NDE, but maybe it just got beamed to another dimension temporarily. I do like the photoshopped treatment to your ink sketch, but they are all equally cool and suggestive of this mystery. Very "X-files!" and do you now work at warp speed on all of your posts? ;o)

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  4. I always wanted an NDE. I hoped it would be like the movie Ghost or the very least like the play Our Town. I wanted to see everyone. But now, as I get closer to a RDE (real death experience), I'm not so glib. Life flies by. If we're lucky, which I am, we have a wonderful time and then poof, it's over. ps. I'm glad to hear the mean woman had a painful NDE. I long for Karma to be true...

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  5. Oh wow. I am totally awed. NDE is nothing that anyone can define but your renderings do it for me in a hopeful sense. A brilliant, most personal discussion with a wonderful insight on a sensitive topic, as usual, Linda. Thanks to all!

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  6. Great picture, and wow, fascinating blog post! How strange about the woman who didn't learn empathy from her NDE...

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  7. Ahhh, very cool, I like them all, with or without the photohsop, it's interesting. I love your stories. No NDE's here, I am a huge waster of time though :(
    It's terrible, but there it is. Before I know it, the day is gone and I have accomplished nothing...

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  8. Thanks everybody! I have to admit that I waste a lot of time too in between periods of major output. I'd like to be as disciplined as some people seem to be, but I get distracted by violets and things. A long time ago my aunt told me to appreciate youth because before you know it you're old and can't do the things you used to be able to do and time starts flying past. I think I'm getting old enough to see her point. I heard someone mention something that happened in 2003 and thought "well that wasn't that long ago". Until I did the math and realized that I'm losing time faster too.

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    1. I truly wish that I wasted less time as well. (And I don't even watch TV)...... I sometimes think how much I could get done.

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  9. I like all three versions of your NDE--but am slightly partial to the ball point pen one. I like its blueishness :)
    No NDE to report...and I would prefer not to have an experience that would precipitate one, either. Btw, think of time-wasting as prep for those "periods of major output." Methinks you can't have one without the other ;)

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  10. I guess of all three versions, I like the fiddled-in-photoshop one - with the plasma(?) bubbles, although they're all good and a bit mesmerizing.

    And why am I NOT surprised that you nad an NDE?

    I've read a few books on the subject. I had an experience much like an NDE when I was very young. I went down a long dark tunnel and eventually made it to a lighted window at the end. Looking out the window, I saw a very peaceful meadow with horses. What? I am also not the most patient with time wasters.

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  11. Elizabeth, I think you're right about the in between times being necessary for the output times, but sometimes I get impatient waiting for inspiration.

    Abby, it sounds like a beautiful vision. I'm not really sure what to say about anyone else's experiences, but I find them all interesting, even the hellish ones. Thanks for sharing!

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  12. The ball point is definitely my favorite. it draws me in. Like hearing your viewpoint. Funny how this - all about hurrying, yet I enjoyed slowing down for a moment to read your longish, interesting post.

    I think sometimes we hurry too much and miss the beautiful small moments that add meaning.

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  13. No, I love the top version. Is that the fiddled one? It glows. And is so powerful. My favorite illustration of yours I think. And as always a journey in a story.

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  14. Yes, the top one is the fiddled version. Not my usual kind of thing, but I like the way it suggests my experience. Thanks for the comments, and thanks for the follow Sheryl!!!

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  15. Wow Linda that picture makes me think "X Files". I have never had a NDE but if I did I would certainly like to look like your sketch! I really like the biro doodle one...it's so spontaneous. I'm so glad you survived or we would not be reading your great posts!
    Jane x

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  16. So wonderful you share this story! I can believe that such an event will make you think differently about some things in your life. As I grow older, I sometimes get that feeling too 'don't waste time'. And I love the illustration you made with this story.

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  17. My. Your life sure seems to be one heck of a ride. I love reading all your past experiences and your views on them. Now, an NDE is something I hope NEVER to have, at least until my time is actually up. Probably wouldn't have the heart for it anyway. Heh. :D

    Great job with the illos, my friend. That second one really hits the spot. ;0)

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  18. I was thinking "X Files" a bit when I was drawing this Jane :) I don't regret my NDE, but don't wish it on anyone else either. Here's to hoping everyone has safe, happy lives! Thanks for the comments everybody!

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  19. Interesting read, Linda. Lots to share but let me keep it short by saying I understand the 'hurry' effect. Although too much hurry will be contra productive, the realisation that life is short and we have a mission is actually very good.
    I'm sure you do very well, even without the sense of hurrying. Your illustration clearly shows the in-between world to me.

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  20. I like the texture of the ball point pen, and the blue you added with Photoshop. Your illo does a good job capturing an other-worldly experience, Linda. I especially like the transparent affect of the hair, and being able to see the shape of the neck and head.

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  21. Wow. 22 comments already, I hesitate to add my two cents' worth. Then again, the drawing and writing were very evocative. I found the original doodle got my thinking going down a number of different paths. I could sit with that image awhile. And your description of those violets in a field reminded me of huge swaths of wild strawberries on the sunny side of a meadow. When I came back with a basket, found not poison ivy but a herd of Holsteins. And when they got up and ambled off, they were black splotched on pink ground. No lie.

    When folks use the expression "supposed to be doing" or "purpose in life" it always makes me pause. Live well.

    Among various other strange psychic experiences, the only NDE I have experienced have been those of loved-ones. Holding your child in your arms and knowing this moment could be it - focuses the mind, and I remember to this day the fine tracery of veins on an eyelid, the unfocused gaze of an infant in a teenager's face. Diabetes Mellitus - taught me a lot. Be real. Accept. Love. Communicate. Support. And never leave anything important for "later".

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  22. Great illustrations Linda, i think my favourite is the ball point. Another thought provoking post.

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  23. I think I may have to do more stuff in ball point pen. I have an internal criticism that I'm being cheap and lazy to use a pen, but I love the feel of it on paper. I'm also laughing to myself about pink Holsteins :) Thanks for the comments everybody!!

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  24. I know that I am late in responding, but I must say that I like the photoshopped one the best. That usually isn't the case for me.

    And ballpoint pen can be a marvelous medium. I've seen some fine fine drawings with it, and have been pleased with several myself. My problem with it is that is smears for awhile after you use it. Plus I like the absolute crispness of technical pens, or even gel pens.

    I haven't had any near-death-exeriences, but being put under to have my wisdom teeth out made me stop being afraid of death--it was just nothing (and thus nothing to be afraid of). I wouldn't go seeking it out or anything, and I'm not sure why it changed my views of death. The other thing was being with my dad when he died. That made me no longer afraid of dying in my sleep. The body is SO determined to keep living, to keep breathing, to have its heart keep beating, that it's really really really hard to make it stop.

    Thank you for your always thought-provoking posts!

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