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Saturday, August 15, 2015

"Heart"

Sean didn't understand the rules for tag very well.  We were about 3 and he was "It" when he chased and tackled me, hugging me tight and kissing me on the mouth.  I was in love.  His game was WAY better than playing with my sisters.  For some reason my parents didn't approve, and I wasn't allowed to play with Sean anymore.  I was heartbroken.

A sociologist beau told me about "super feelers", people who feel things more acutely than others.  Shoot, just what I wanted, to be my beau's test study -- which didn't soften the blow at all when he later rejected me for what he admitted were "superficial" reasons.

I am who I am, and I don't feel apologetic about it even though there are plenty of people who like to say us sensitives ought to toughen up.  I don't regret having a tender heart except when I'm crying a river over losing someone I love.  At least I can love, and you know Dumbledore said love is the highest form of magic.

I've been trying to decipher what parts of myself and my beliefs are self-created, and which parts have been put into me from others.  Happy memories of a playful, loving boy makes my heart feel more open and healthy.  Loving that boy was true to my heart.

When I was in college, I fought with myself to create art that I thought would earn good grades.  I wasn't doing the art that came naturally and easy to me.  I was following someone else's vision instead of doing what makes me different than everyone else, and I was often stressed and unhappy.

Perhaps one of my best lessons came from a bad teacher.  He favored modernistic simplicity.  My highly rendered work got Bs and Cs while what I considered lazy art got As.  I fought the good fight for a while, but eventually caved and made lazy art too.  I got an A.  Fine.  I learned better things from better teachers and quit stressing about the stupid drawing class.  In fact, since I no longer cared about that class I had more time for homework in classes I respected more.

Making lazy art let me do what came easiest to me.  In a way, this lousy teacher was inspiring me to be truer to my own nature.  I started taking more shortcuts in other classes.  My grades remained good and I ended up with enough free time to get my first job in advertising.  I had everything I wanted: time, money, self-expression.

I am sensitive.  For some people, too sensitive.  Okay.  I'd rather be empathic, and I can't change my nature anyway.  I'll use my sensitivity as I see fit and express it in my art -- and while I'm making that art, I'll discover other aspects of myself that are true to me instead of what I've been told to be.

When we're true to ourselves, our hearts are happy.  We leave positive footprints in our world and in the hearts of others.  This is why we're here.  It's why people are different from each other.  In the words of Dr. Seuss...

“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”

10 comments:

  1. Sean sounded very cute Linda....my very first love was called John...what fun childhood love was. I think the most important thing is to try to be happy in our skin....thick or thin it's the only one we will ever wear ;-) Great illustration xx

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  2. Thanks Jane! I'm going to try to remember that saying about thick/thin skin because I'm pretty sure this will come up again. Smiling for your John memories :)

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  3. Beautiful art, Linda. There is a famous quote by e. e. cummings that your thoughtful post reminds me of:

    "To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting."

    It is hard. And it's one of the most important things to find-recover-do in this life, I think... ♡

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    Replies
    1. Couldn't agree more with you and e. e. cummings. Life is a challenge sometimes, but it's usually interesting!

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  4. I "heart" this leaf- and how you express yourself through art and words. Here's to "lazy" art! Often, it's just what the doctor ordered! ;o)

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    1. I heart you too Michele! I'll look forward to making some lazy art when I get finished with this floor :)

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  5. I would love to just not care for awhile though. It would be so much easier to be oblivious. And insensitive!

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    Replies
    1. We're too often our worst critics and I can get annoyed when people really like my lazy art. No! I just did that for fun. Pay attention to the stuff I really worked at! But I suppose people don't like to look at hard labor as much as play?

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  6. from:your great niece
    i read the writing below the picture of me in uncle Petes
    big tree i really think its cool that dad said I'm the third generation to climb that same tree. I love to draw too and dad said that you know a lot about art and showed me this web page. I like your floor my dad told me that you drew it.I just wanted to say i think your art work is
    really good,and i was wondering if i could come see your floor.
    bye!
    Elissa.G.Noonan

    ReplyDelete
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