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Friday, December 4, 2015

"Wet"

I wrote this post for "diary" in my first year of blogging, where I told of my plumbing disaster.  The experience was stressful and exhausting when I was living it, but it also became something of a milestone too.

The plumbing disaster forced me to clean house more thoroughly than I'd ever do on my own -- and in getting rid of stuff, I got rid of a bunch of garbage in my mind too.  I had many hours to think while filling up trash bags of my moldy treasures. 

I was in a bad mental place.  I'd been out of work for almost 2 years, and people weren't hiring, especially anyone over 40.  I had too much time to think about my miseries past and present and I bounced between anger and depression.  My friend Geof gave me mental assignments to consider while I sanded floors and such.  We had long conversations about our experiences and how to deal with them.  I started digging myself out of the muck in more ways than one.

A friend of mine is currently going through her own crisis.  Because I've been there, done that, I can hear it when she slides into bad places in her thinking.  I can see where there are choices between moving forward and curling into a ball because I've done my time with anger, depression, and hope.

I learned things from Geof who had gone through these things too.  If my friend learns something from me now, I'll feel like maybe there was some point to my misery, and Geof's miseries.  She'll teach someone else down the road.  It is a healing chain of people who suffer, survive, grow, and help others.

Sometimes I think that the miseries in the world are opportunities.  If we always get what we want, how hard would we work towards our goals?  If we don't know hurt, how can we help someone else when they're hurting?

Another friend was the victim of spousal abuse.  I thought "I'd never allow that!" -- and I didn't, well, not exactly.  Years later, I found myself in a verbally abusive marriage that was ruinous to my entire being.  I started understanding why my friend had stayed after getting hit because abusers cross boundaries slowly over time.  I still wouldn't let someone hit me, but my own marriage taught me empathy for my friend's situation.

Perhaps that empathy is the velcro that will help someone else stick on the planet?  I learned to listen without judging, and sometimes I think the thing a hurting person needs is simply someone who will listen.

I'd like a perfect, peaceful world where nobody hurts and plumbing always works.  But then again, maybe the world is richer and more beautiful with hardship?  I know that's hard to see when there was yet another shooting this week, but it's my hope that something good comes out of the pain.  For everyone who suffers, I wish them peace, healing, wisdom, and maybe most especially, a person who can hold their hand and listen.

16 comments:

  1. Well said Linda......I agree that if we can help someone else using our life experiences then all the pain has some kind of meaning however bad it is at the time. Keep dry ;0) x

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    1. Now if I could only get people to skip my mistakes then everything would be great, right? My weather hasn't been too bad for December. I'll just keep counting my blessings :)

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  2. Thank you, Linda ... and somewhere I know, Geof is smiling over the remembrance and the thoughts.

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    1. And thank you too Korki! Geof was special. We were lucky to have him in our lives and I don't have to remind myself to be grateful :)

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  3. Simply someone who will listen. Yes, I often think so too.
    I can't imagine a world without some hardship. We have to have contrast. Otherwise, why do it? Insightful, though provoking post as always, Linda! The watercolor is nicely appropriate :)

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    1. I hope there are a lot of people listening around you right now after the shooting, and that they keep listening after all the news people leave. Sometimes we just have to look for the positives even when that's hard to see.

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  4. This is certainly something I thing about a lot and in different ways as I raise my children. I love them, I like peace and quiet, I like them to be happy, but allowing them to suffer the consequences of their bad choices, saying no to amusements that are too much sometimes, not doing more than I should to make their way smooth, even not being as rich as some of their friends are seems to make for happier kids in the long run who I hope will have empathy for other people's pain and hardships and who are beginning to be equipped to deal with the complex hardships of adult life as well. I'm starting to make this comment too long, but I agree. I think hardship can be good for us, is certainly an opportunity to become wiser and more compassionate.

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    1. I don't think you can make a "too long" comment Melissa! I'm interested in what you have to say and am so glad you're raising your kids with a rich experience and good values.

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  5. I guess we learn through hardships. The more we're brought up to face them early, the "easier" it is. I love that you are passing on Goef's kindness.

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    1. I think you're right Terri, learning to deal with things early is better. It's sad to see adults who never learned to cope with a disappointment. I guess the goal is to be happy overall despite not getting everything we want?

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  6. Deep thoughts, well written and a great call for people to practise non-judgemental thinking.

    Are you preparing for Christmas?
    Kindest greetings from Ireland,
    Paula

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  7. Thanks Paula! Trying to spread a little peace and understanding in the world :)

    I'm way behind on the Christmas planning, but then I usually am. Somehow it all seems to come together in the end. Happy holidays!

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  8. I think your conclusions is very correct. If the world was always a perfect place we would never develop in any directions. It's not to say that misery is good or needed as such, but if we can learn and grow from it, it does serve a purpose. I also think you are right in that we should all show compassion and understanding for those suffering at any give time. The thought that what you learn from your own misery has a purpose if you can help your friend who is presently suffering, is beautiful. May we all learn from you.

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    1. Thanks Otto! I love finding like-minded people online :) May we all learn from each other!

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  9. My husband put a huge cut watermelon in the basement. (Don't ask me why) It fermented all over my old family photo albums. He was in the dog house for a long time after that.

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    1. I have a very clear picture in my mind of fermented watermelon and melted photos now. I hope you were able to save the photos. I hope you've finally forgiven your husband :)

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