I have a 5 mile commute to work every day. It's a straight line on a back road, but
yesterday I got caught in a traffic jam because some people just don't
understand a 4-way stop. I idly looked
out at the big field of the county airport and fussed and fumed about being
stuck. A huge hawk flew past with a
tiny black bird pecking its grievances out on the hawk's tail. I figure that didn't bode well for me or the
hawk.
Today I saw that same hawk flying unencumbered by a pesky
lesser being with a sharp beak. That
seemed like a better sign. I wonder why
the hawk didn't just turn around and eat the little bird, but I guess it
figured it was just better to leave.
Sometimes I feel like that too.
Mostly I wonder why little birds want to pester me in the first place.
This is actually something I've thought about a lot of times
because I swear I've been pestered to death by little birds while I tell them
to just leave me alone. In case you're
getting lost in the metaphor, I have been pestered to death by small people
throughout my life. They manipulate,
nag, belittle, charm... whatever methods work best for them for whatever
motivates them. Sometimes I let my
talons out and then nobody's happy.
I almost always regret losing my temper, and can self-punish
about it for years afterward because I can be altogether too thorough in
demolishing the source of my anger.
It's hard to stay airborne when you're eviscerating a little bird and
wrapping its entrails around its head while pecking its eyes out. See the pitiful little songbird flopping on
the ground getting eaten by a bunny?
Yes, I know bunnies are herbivores.
Just makes it more sad.
I want to stay airborne.
I want to feel like I'm living my best life and in my perfect world I'd
never have to get angry about anything.
I know real life includes some justifiable anger from time to time, and
failing nirvana, I want to be able to express that anger without having to
figure out where to hide the corpses.
It seems simple enough until a little bird pecks me one time too many.
This probably makes it sound like I'm the kind of person who
lays on the horn while tailgating on the freeway and brings a machine gun to
the movies. I'm really not. I give lots of signs that the end is near if
you don't cut it out. I think people
don't believe me because I try to be nice most of the time. I actually very seldom lose my temper -- but
when I do, it's memorable.
How to express anger constructively is something a lot of
people, including myself, find difficult because we haven't seen enough
positive examples. We're inundated with
bad examples in every media and by the bullies on the playground or in
business. It just doesn't make for a
good book or movie plot to calmly talk out differences. The nice guy doesn't get elected or
promoted.
I figure I'm a lifetime project, and this is one of my
ongoing topics for improvement. All I
can really do is set my intention that this hawk is going to stay airborne as
much as possible.
GO CAVS!!!
