A book I've been reading says to journal our worst experiences to bring to light faulty messages we’ve absorbed that are so ingrained in our thoughts we don’t even notice they’re in the muzak of our minds. We’ve all got these kinds of crap thoughts. How often do we actually look at them, or consider who put them in our heads in the first place? Why do we allow them to poison our lives?
I have been called a lot of names in my life. I was told the bad in my life was because I "deserved it". I certainly won't say I'm perfect, but a lot of this is just blatantly untrue and unhelpful, and mining memories can either feel like I'm suffocating in an avalanche of negativity or mining treasure, or perhaps a bit of both. There is gold in finding a better way to think and feel, but sometimes you've got to go into a very dark cave to get it.
But, when we look at the source, and question the statements, we can get rid of the running diatribe of verbal abuse someone else started and we continue in our minds.
If I am any of the nasty things I've been called, then let me challenge myself to improve those areas -- but that's not why someone said those things in the first place. They are/were bullies who want(ed) to make themselves feel better by knocking me down. I'd rather take self-improvement tips from someone who sets a better example. Since the only person I control is me, then I need to set a better example for myself.
Somewhere I heard the advice to talk to myself as if I were a child I loved and wanted to guide in helpful ways. For instance, I wouldn't call a child selfish. It's a normal phase of development, a time when I'd encourage the child to understand the good in sharing. Hoarding a game of checkers is less fun than playing it with someone. Pushing the swing is sometimes as fun as sitting on it.
Doing these kinds of mental exercises makes me aware of things I like about myself no matter how much other people have tried to contain me. That's the real treasure.
"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven... For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” Matthew 6:19-21
(Sorry for venturing into a biblical quote. I really get enough of that at work, but it's on point and explains Dumbledore’s sister’s grave, something I’ve wondered about.)
Let's share our treasures this week. Make the world a better place by saying nice things to others and especially to ourselves!
SLOW progress report on the floor, made slower my tendency to use a tiny #2 brush. It doesn't help that I'm still a bit sore from falling off the deck and the realization that as I age the floor keeps getting harder and farther away. I remind myself that the point of this insanity is that I wanted a long-term project for contemplation.