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Friday, September 11, 2015

"Villain"

I watched Dr. Phil yesterday.  I’m not recommending it.  My mind rebels when I see how some people treat each other.  Yesterday he talked to people who say Bill Cosby drugged and raped them.  I don't want to believe it, but I think it's true.  The man who made me laugh as a child is a sociopath.  He got away with criminal behavior for decades.

Tom went out with my friend in college.  He asked me out after they quit dating.  I asked if she minded.  She said, "Uh, well..."  "I don't need to go out with him.  I'll just say 'no'."  "It's okay."  "No, really..."  "It's fine.  Go out with him."

So I went out, but I told him I had a lot of homework and needed to be home by 10:00.  He was handsome and charming.  He had lots of money and spent close to $300 on dinner.  Considering this was back in the 80s, that really was a lot of money.

I enjoyed the evening.  Let's do it again -- but he pulled up to his house instead of mine.  Touch, grab, slap, "Take me home!"  "Do you realize how much I spent on you tonight?!"  "I'm not a prostitute!"  Wrestling match, aided on my side by his seat belt.  I escaped and slammed the car door -- as luck would have it, on his hand.  The door mechanism went around the bone in the back of his hand and effectively immobilized him.

Through his open sunroof I could hear him yelling, screaming, and threatening for a few blocks as I raged through the worst section of town in 4" heels and my best dress.  A group of very rough men stood outside a bar and watched me storm past.  An older man stifled a smirk and I almost smiled in return.  Ah, sometimes I miss my younger self.

I told my friend about my misadventure and she said, "Yeah, he did that to me too."  What??!!!  "How could you let me go out with him?"  "We--elll, I didn't think he'd do it to you too."  Thanks one hell of a lot.

Tom was at a party a couple months later with an industrial-looking sling.  Mutual friends told me he'd had to have surgery on his hand.  No regrets on my end.  He confronted me and I said if he didn't vamoose I'd tell everyone exactly how his hand got damaged.  Maybe someone would like to damage your left hand too?  I spoke loudly enough to kill his social life.  I'm not absolutely sure, but I heard he got beat up that night.

Tom was handsome, smart, charming, and wealthy.  Why did he think he could buy me, and failing that, rape me?  I'm thankful I got away.  I wish Bill Cosby's victims had gotten away too.  Sadly, I believe them.  There are villains in the world.  Sometimes the villains are handsome, charming, wealthy, and famous.  I wish the victims had felt safe enough to speak up sooner so there would be fewer women hurt.

Salamanders aren't villains.  They won't hurt anyone.  This one's for Sue who had a spotted salamander in a terrarium on the dresser when we were kids :)

16 comments:

  1. Linda, I remember you telling me about that happening to you. I'm so thankful you were able to get away from him. I agree with you about Cosby. Famous or not he would have victimized women. I don't think it has anything to do with him being famous. Just sick. The fame part is what gave him the illusion of power over these women. I feel awful for them, how scared they must have been. I am glad they had the courage to speak up. I'm also still impressed you broke that assholes hand. _Bethie

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  2. I suppose I shouldn't be so happy to break someone's hand, but I have to admit I'm pleased with myself. Thanks to my guardian angel for working the door latch. Love your groovy handle :)

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  3. Nice job doling out the instant karma! I think date rape is even more common than we hear about. A lot of girls don't say anything, thinking it was partly their fault. I had a couple of close calls, but never broke any bones :).

    The accusations against Bill Cosby make me angry/sad. He's jell-o pudding! For the record, I can't stand Dr. Phil. Very nice salamander, though!

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    1. I don't like Dr. Phil much either, but I was curious about what the women were saying about Cosby. I think you're right that date rape is more common than we know. Maybe if Tom had succeeded I would've been less likely to talk about it? But maybe if more women speak up, the less it would happen. Those guys would get fewer dates at any rate.

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  4. Wow, you're one strong woman. Good going. And boo to your "friend."

    No one believed Mr. Cosby, though, because of his fame. 'How could a guy who tells such sweet stories, never swears, etc...' Rape is a terrible terrible thing. No one "asks" for it.

    Love the salamander...

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    1. I think I was as mad at my "friend" as I was at Tom since she allowed me in that situation. I didn't break any of her bones though.

      The salamander makes me smile. I have to think of more animals to live on my floor :)

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  5. Oh my goodness, gracious, Linda! I'm so so very sorry to hear of this incredibly horrible incident as a young woman..I am SO glad you got away. SO SO very glad. That is incredible, your friend at the time, not letting you know of Tom's intent after she had experienced it. Horrible! You are such a strong woman..I am so glad the rest of the night you weren't met with worse in that part of town. You always post such thoughtful and interesting events/thoughts in your life..and I feel privileged to be able to read them and consider them and of course always enjoy your beautiful art. That salamander is wonderful! I am popping in for a hello after slogging through a lot of work, still going on but I will get through! :) Hoping to post a bit more soon. Have a lovely week ahead, and I'm so glad to finally get to visit you here.

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    1. Sometimes I've gotten lucky. Sometimes not, but the luckier memories are good to balance things. Wishing you the best through all your projects. I'll look forward to seeing what you've been doing. I hope you have a great week too!

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  6. Lovely illustrations, Linda. I could, by now, identify them as yours between many others.

    You got lucky, Linda, but so many women aren't. A few years ago I started to count unlucky female friends and I was shocked how many there were. All living in our civilized society. And most never came out or 20-30 years later. There is much much work to do and I send my best wishes to Cosby's victims.

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  7. You're so right that many women (and men) don't come out with what happened to them for a lot of years. Sometimes I think they're hiding shame for something that was done to them and wasn't their fault. Maybe the women attacked by Cosby will inspire other women to speak up and quit hiding?

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  8. What a ghastly experience Linda,so glad you got away OK. I agree that date rape is sadly quite common. We have the Jimmy Saville scandal here...personally I always felt he was a pervert, sadly he got away with everything and died before it all came to light. On a brighter note your salamander is brilliant x

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    1. Thanks Jane! It's a happy salamander. Either that, or I just have happy associations with salamanders :)

      Years ago a friend of mine told me how much she hated Bill Cosby. I was "Oh no! Not Bill Cosby. He's so nice and funny and cares about kids and education!" I suppose I should give her a call and let her know she was right and I was wrong.

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  9. Not long ago I read the book Missoula: Rape and the Justice System in a College Town. There is something completely wrong in the society when so many males think it's their "right" to rape women - except they of course don't see it as rape or or call it by its right name. And that's part of the problem. Tom only got what he deserved as far as I can see. As for Cosby, may he gets what he deserves, too.

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    1. I think that book might be too depressing, but I suppose that's all the more reason it should be read. I think the world will be better when these issues are brought into the light.

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  10. Wouldn't it be much nicer if there were fewer villains? I'd love a garden's worth of salamanders in exchange. So glad you painted one into yours!

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    1. Thanks Michele! I'd definitely vote for less villains and more salamanders :)

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