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Friday, January 13, 2017

"Internet"

The power went out when I was sleeping the other day.  Harumpf.  I rolled over and went back to sleep.  1 1/2 hrs of extra sleep later, there still wasn't any power.  I thought I'd watch tv since I couldn't do my usual internet stuff.  Oh.  Yeah.  Well, my brain isn't the sharpest first thing in the morning.

Thankfully, it wasn't a real cold day.  I read a book while my puppy warmed my feet until the electric guys showed up.  I watched with interest as they maneuvered a cherry picker into my back yard and worked on my lines in a torrential down pour while I drank tea inside, counting my blessings I didn't have to fix electrical lines.

The power still didn't come on for hours.  I had computer withdrawal.  There's so many ways to waste time online, and I'm clearly not self-disciplined enough to stop getting my dopamine fixes.  The holidays are over, it's time to make a plan for the future.  Or a plan to get a plan?  Ooh, email!  Hmm, a documentary on Jeffrey Daumer.  I can make a plan tomorrow, right?

I used to toss a leaf on the water and observe where it went.  Another leaf at the same entry point would go somewhere else.  All the water was running in the same direction, but the leaves didn't follow the same path.  The Tao of Pooh, or maybe it was Te of Piglet, says to be like the leaf on the water.  Don't worry about other leaves.  Don't fight the current, floating is easy and takes you where you need to be.

In this context, making a plan is hard for me right now.  I'm afraid if I don't get one together soon, bad things will result, or good things will be delayed.  Yet, the distractions in life are also the journey.  Educational videos online help me sort my thoughts and discard some baggage.  Emails are helpful and/or supportive.  Maybe the best possible use of my time is what feels good to do right now?

I pulled a muscle in my arm.  I re-injured it because I overdid it again.  Maybe my arm would be better by now if I just sit down and chill a while?  But no, I slipped on the last basement step, spraining my ankle and foot.  I figure the power outage was the universe forcing me to take it easy.  I've finally decided to cooperate with the master plan.

I have ideas for the future, but I've been fighting with myself about what I'm going to do.  Some of these ideas will take a long time to complete and require research, but I want to make money now!  So, will I waste time fighting myself, or just do what my heart wants to do?  I betcha I'm not the only one having this kind of internal dialogue.

I got an email from a friend who is "working towards independence".  If I know this guy, his independence will turn  out great because he's driven.  He didn't detail what he's doing, but I can picture it.  I feel enthusiastic for him.  That enthusiasm for him makes me feel more motion within myself for my undefined goals.  See, the internet isn't a waste of time (entirely), it's just a rock in the river bumping me in a new direction.

14 comments:

  1. A rock in the river bumping me in a new direction... interesting closure. What exactly are you looking for other than tons and bunches of money to do something you love. I wish I could put you somewhere and say there was an opportunity that I'm in my own struggle at the moment. Hang in there.

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    1. Thanks John! I think you've identified my most immediate wants. I think I'd like to feel appreciated too since I'm decidedly not feeling that lately. Wishing you the best defeating your obstacles too!

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  2. I am glad that our leaves are bumping along in the same general direction of life. Thank you!

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    1. I'm glad you're going my way too. Thanks!

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  3. Damn woman! Your thinking is so clear, even if your goals aren't. I always say follow your heart. (We had an electric outage - wasn't as productive for me...)

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    1. Well, I did admit that it took me a minute to figure out I can't have tv without power, so maybe not totally clear thinking :) You can be sure there will always be another outage so you can do the pondering next time.

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  4. I am quite sure that you will figure it all out Linda. You are asking all the right questions...I hope you get the answers too.I'm glad the power is on now for you too xx

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    1. I ask a lot of questions, so I'm bound to get some of them right? :) Thanks Jane!

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  5. Well....maybe a heart to heart with God is in order... Of course that is a process also....talk, listen... try things, make mistakes,,, try again...get something right, make mistakes...AND repeat.... From Marilyn Bradley

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    1. Thanks Marilyn! They say once you get out of inertia, movement takes less effort. I'm working on it :)

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  6. You and I are in similar boats... or leaves?... right now. The internet can be helpful there, just don't get sucked into some time-zapping eddy!
    Nice illustration!

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    1. Thanks! Though some of those time-zapping eddies are so interesting :)

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