I’m a creative, experienced, multi-purpose artist and art director
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Sunday, January 1, 2017

"Talk"

My year-end index is a mental review.  What did we talk about?  What mattered?  What can I learn from it, and how to move forward?  I've reread the posts and some old journals too because there are things I want to release.  I don't want to carry old anger and disappointments into the new year.

I discovered in my journals that I was sick all the time when I was married.  I had a breast infection for 2 years that wouldn't heal plus other ailments and infections, some requiring surgery.  Of course my husband thought I was entirely at fault for falling apart and had a lot of demands for fixing me.  "What I need...", I said to my doctor.  "What you need is a DIVORCE!" Doc said before sending me to the hospital in an ambulance.  He was right.  I got healthy in an amazingly short time after I followed his advice and haven't had those kinds of medical problems since.

I read my journals to see if I've neglected to purge any of my ex's negativity.  He often said "I can't make you feel anything", and it was "just words" anyway.  But his insidious words crept into my psyche and kept hurting long after, because the really sick part of people like this is they get you to do all that re-wounding to yourself.  They plant doubts and criticisms we replay in our minds.  I felt powerless to defend myself.  I didn't have a place to go.  Remembering all this makes 2016 look somewhat better, and it was a sucky year.

I want to let it go.  New years are new beginnings, even if the date is arbitrary.  The challenge is that it doesn't take much effort to say something nasty.  It's harder for the recipient to release it.  You can't do that until you're ready, and you can't talk yourself into being ready.  You have to feel it, but until you do, hanging onto your pain slowly kills you and your achievements.

Human relations are messy and necessary, but toxic relationships are just destructive with a bit of frosting on top to keep you in the game.  I stumbled across more verbal abuse by an ex-boss in my journals, and thought of other hurtful people I've known.  It's a shared experience we don't talk about enough, but I doubt we talk much about things that really matter.  Smile and suffer quietly so you don't disturb others, but that kind of advice protects abusers and doesn't give us tools to actually achieve happiness.

All of us are responsible for what we say, and that includes what we replay in our minds.  Be nicer to yourself.

I want to say optimistic things for the new year, and talking about negativity seems, uh, negative?  But I'm trying to say something hopeful.  All of us can talk in helpful ways to others.  We don't have to carry the past in ways that hurt us.  We learn, we grow, we discover our happiness through our intentions to do so.  It's the best New Year's resolution I can come up with at any rate.  What's yours?

Wishing you happiness, achievements, peace, and plenty in the New Year!

11 comments:

  1. Happy new year Linda, another year of blogging friendship ahead which I really do treasure. I agree re getting rid of toxic relationships...surround yourself with kind people and the world is a better place. Your physical health will also thank you for it! I also find that taking joy in small things keeps me very grounded. Life is constant change and we need to appreciate the good times when we have them. Your artwork for 2016 was stunning, looking forward to your new pieces for 2017. xx

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    1. I value our blogging friendship too. Who knew that we could make friends continents away when we first started? I agree that taking joy in small things makes a difference. Wishing you the best in the New Year!

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  2. Linda, I will write you privately also, but here I like to praise your blog posts that are always engaging, sincere, skillful and meaningful. I haven't been able to do that year round. My blog suffered from other ambitions that developed.
    Indeed, toxic relations are there to let go. Even if they have been fruitful relations at the beginning. Friendships are organic: some stay a life long like an old oak tree, others only for a short while, like a spring flower.
    Women grow older and they are free to work till a very old age now (in our societies). And those who can let go of the past, can focus on the future and have a life-philosophy that serves a long and happy life, will live longer. So many women now start to live THEIR lifes around age 50-60 after they are settled, have a stable financial situation, have stable relationships, have stable sibling or children relationships, have their heads and minds free and focused to give birth to their skills, ambitions, to themselves more related to their uniqueness than to their role as mothers, sisters or wives. I like to think of all those women who feel they get another big start after turning 50 or 60.

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    1. Thanks for the thoughtful and kind words Paula! I'm with you in wishing a big start for women 50+ and for those younger too!

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  3. Congratulations on another year of reflection and terrific art. I think you and I blog for the same reason, for release. However, you obviously have a way more optimistic view than I have.

    Actually, I blog for my own amusement and to be funny. You seem deeper than that.

    Happy new year. I look forward to your words and art in the coming year.

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    1. I'll admit to previous drafts of this post that were less optimistic. I was working through my process and got more hopeful as I went along. Sometimes I guess I'm deep. Sometimes I'm just out for amusement too. Thanks for writing things that make me laugh!

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  4. "...toxic relationships are just destructive with a bit of frosting on top to keep you in the game." That's such a good way of putting it. I hope 2017 is a year of fresh joy and emotional freedom for you.

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  5. Happy New Year, Linda! I've fully enjoyed another year of your blog, certainly including this post.

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    1. Thanks! I enjoy your blog too. Happy New Year!

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  6. I've been away from blogger for a good chunk of 2016 and have missed your posts. This was a good one to read. Thank you for sharing. In your sharing, you help me reflect on my own interactions with people. Yes, "messy and necessary."

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