here. This is all happy, though I'll admit my thoughts on love have been deeper this week as I took quite a bit of time deconstructing my past relationships to find where I own responsibility in the resulting messes -- though in a way, maybe there's some happiness to be found in that too?
I know, some of you found your one true love in kindergarten, and you're still happily married with loving, perfect children. Quite a few of the rest of us haven't been as fortunate, and many of us think that the break-ups were all the fault of our exes -- even though it's never all one person's fault. It doesn't matter if your ex was a serial killer megalomaniac. You have to own some of it, even if your part is falling for that person in the first place.
This concept makes some people sputter in indignation. He's a drunk! She ruined us with credit card debt! Whatever. Those are their problems. Hopefully, they're out of your life now. What part did you play in it?
I asked a date this question, and he couldn't answer. (Dating tip: don't spend a first date cataloging your ex's faults to a new prospect.) This guy didn't get a second date. Why go out with someone who is still hung up on his ex and doomed to repeat his mistakes?
Owning responsibility isn't the same punishing yourself. For instance, one of the things I discovered in my own self-inquiry is that my most painful relationships exhibited early signs to get out, but I didn't move on when it could've been so much easier. What's the point of blaming myself for that? It's over and done. Yet, I can use this realization to help in the future. If the warning signs are there, listen.
Some of my traits that I'd like to think of as positive, like patience and optimism, burned me in relationships. Should I be less patient and optimistic? No. Just find someone who doesn't abuse those traits with empty promises. Be aware when the promises are empty. Set boundaries, goals, and measure progress. Of course it's all very easy when it's hormone/pheromone-free hypotheticals, but life's a journey. If it were easy, we'd all be living happily ever after.
I told a friend that I'm happy by myself and don't know if I feel like getting involved again since men are all a pain in the ass anyway. He agreed, adding women are all a pain in the ass too. Clinked glasses and laughter. Time out for local boy Eric Carmen here while smirking at their hairdos.
Wildlife Update: The damned groundhog sat on my deck, bold as brass while I sent it mental death rays, which were somewhat diminished by my observation it's actually pretty cute. But no! Death to groundhogs! I told my dog to get it. She looked at me like, "Are you crazy? That thing is as big as I am!" I said, "You can take it!" and dog obediently raced to the deck and chased it away. I gave her lots of praise. Later that day, I saw a skunk. Happy puppy raced into the back yard "Woo hoo hoo!!!" "NOOooooooo!!! Not the black and white kitty!!!!" Thankfully, she wasn't sprayed, but clearly the wildlife is winning the war.