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Saturday, January 4, 2014


I've often thought that 2013 was one of the longest years of my life.  I did a lot, but all I did was work.  My 20s went like that too, and sometimes I regret spending those late hours when I had all that youth and energy.

Time is relative, no matter how much some scientists want to tell us that falling out of an airplane takes the same amount of time on a clock as sharpening a pencil.  One of the things that I've known acutely through my life is that my life is finite.  There's only so much time to do the things I'm here to do.  Of course it would help a lot if I actually knew what I'm here to do, but I have an internal fury when someone wastes my time because none of us have a lot of it.

I knew all this when I was a kid, but 50 was a really long ways away, and catching crayfish seemed pretty important right then.  It looks different this side of 50.  I see old people hobbling into the Shrine where I work and think old age doesn't seem that far away any more.  How much longer can I run up steps?  Or eat stuff old people can't digest?  Or write the world's greatest novel or paint my greatest masterpiece?  Or maybe have that love affair that lasts forever?

Some of the things I wanted in my life didn't happen.  I wanted the white picket fence and children and the happy husband.  Somewhere along the line I noticed that white picket fences need painted, and I sure don't feel like doing that.  Kids make unnecessary noise and don't always turn out well.  Or the happy husband is sleeping around.  What do I really want, what can I achieve, and what is my real life purpose?  Somehow, spending the day catching crayfish seems like a most excellent use of my time.

I had a coworker who used to tell me that I was difficult, oh okay, she'd call me a pain in the ass.  I'd smile at her and say "and yet, there are people who love me!"  She'd sputter and I'd laugh, but sometimes I think being loved is the only thing that matters.  Sometimes I think hippies and the Beatles were idiots and I'd better get around to painting that masterpiece because that's the only thing that's going to be here after I'm gone.  It's a new year and I have a blank canvas.  I'm not much for New Year's resolutions, but maybe this is the year I'll start exercising, eat right, and paint for real?

Looking over my posts for 2013, I do feel a certain sense of accomplishment.  I'm amazed with myself that I've been able to keep posting even with all the current job demands.  I hung up thumbnails of all my posts since I started blogging, and sometimes I stop and study them.  It makes me feel like I have done something, with plenty of room to do more somethings before I go.

My brother and I were talking last night about love and time, and he contributed this drawing of his perception of things.  I thought about adding colors and messing around with it, but decided I like it the way he did it.  "Send steaks" is what happens creatives use whatever paper is handy, and maybe since it's been immortalized in art I'll send those steaks?  I did the time doodles on the sudoku page


  1. Being close to your age (a year or two or three older), I get what you're saying. I "go there" once in a while; wondering "what if I had" and "what will I do." But honestly, not often anymore. Living in the current is challenging enough, so that is where my focus is.
    Because I have children, I pray for a long healthy life (and for my husband, too) so that they will have parents into their adult years. Also, we're preparing financially. Beyond that, my goals have become short term. I saw on TV today, someone who said that if you're not wired with the happy gene, then keep yourself busy with things that you like to do. I don't have the "always happy" gene, but fortunately, only a step below it-enough to be optimistic. So when I feel like I should be doing something productive and don't want to, if it's not urgent, I put it off and blog with you and my other blogging pals or do some other fun thing. :)
    I feel like I'm off topic... Oh well.
    I'll look forward to reading your posts this year to "listen" for peaks in your life. :)

  2. Nice end/start of year contemplation. Now I know what I'll be thinking about every time I sharpen a pencil!

    Happy New Year, Linda!

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  4. Not being one for sentimentality, that was very sweet.
    My philosophy is: don't take anything too seriously. After all, it's all bullshit.

  5. A friend told me that after working at a mental health hospital he doesn't trust "happy all the time". He says he's seen it, and it ain't pretty. I'll settle for happy a lot of the time. Here's to hoping that 2014 is a mostly happy year for all of us. Thanks for the comment!

  6. Linda, your 2013 overview is admirable. You are steady and reliable and it is always a pleasure to visit your blog.

    I lately read 'Crones Don't Whine' by Boden and enjoyed it. Maybe I'm allowed to advise this small book to you? Not because you need it (certainly not), but because it is a very nice.

    I sometimes wonder about the closed doors too, but not for too long. I simple postpone things to my next life. :-)

    Cheers to your 2014.
    You are wonderful.

  7. I really like that idea, postponing things till my next life :) It opens whole new layers to my procrastinations! Thanks for the book recommendation too Paula. I love reading things liked by people I like. Thanks!

  8. You should be totally thrilled with your accomplishments. No need for regret! And not much point to it anyway. I have a few choice quotes on my page (under "Illuminations"), and one is: "The trouble is, you think you have time." Attributed to Buddha.) It's true! We do think we have all the time in the world.

    Like you I've been feeling my age. Digging out my car this morning before a slow and careful drive to work did not improve matters! But I did it, and I will continue to do what I can until I can't. And then I will do other things. :)

    I need to get back to IF, though I'm doing other challenges. With work and my own art and blog, one thing I never have enough time is visiting all the blogs I would like to visit, more regularly. Like yours!

  9. Thanks Cindy! I have trouble visiting as much as I'd like too, but then it's all the sweeter to see what people have been up to while I was busy with other things -- like digging my own car out of the snow. Keep drawing!

  10. Sorry I'm late this week Linda. Life got in the way. What a wonderful retrospective on a number of thoughts and subjects. Hope the new year is good to you!

  11. I can only hope you had happy distractions going this week, but it seems like the cold weather has just made difficulties for people lately. I hope you have a wonderful new year too!