I had a dream when I was a kid. I climbed a tree and turned into a hawk. I looked out at the world from that high place and felt free. I started flying, and another hawk joined me. We spent a perfect summer day flying together and I loved him. Eventually we went back to my tree but I didn't want to wake up or for him to go away. He promised he'd find me when we grew up. That dream gave me hope for a long time.
Flying dreams are the best, though I had a different kind of flying dream when I was married. I was flying around with a friend and my husband wanted to join us. I told him it's easy, come join us. He kept jumping and trying but couldn't do it. I suppose my subconscious was telling me he wasn't my hawk lover and the marriage wasn't right, but at the same time I felt so much joy in the flying. Was my subconscious telling me to be true to my nature and find my own kind?
I value the information in dreams. I wasn't ready to get divorced, but the message stayed with me. I felt the inevitability of where the marriage was going.
Sometimes I wake up and write my dreams down. Once, I got a pencil and paper and fell face first into my pillow, writing the dream left-handed in the dark as I fell asleep again. That made for interesting reading in the morning, especially since I wrote several lines over each other.
...side trip into my dream folder. I'm not sure what to make of "Chocolate fish hand. Kind of pathetic, but sweet too." Where did that come from? My waking mind doesn't think stuff like this. I don't think I'm creative enough awake to come up with a chocolate fish hand, but I think dreams exist to help us. They give us a different way to look at things that we shove out of our day thoughts.
People long gone still haunt my dreams and effect my waking life. I had a moment like that this week when people were talking about an 11 year old girl killing a baby. That's horrible, and I remembered Vaughn. He was a horrible boy who regularly threatened to kill me, kill my family, kill my dog and make me watch. He left dead animals in my yard to emphasize the threats.
Vaughn has been in my dreams all my life even though he drove his car into a tree and died years ago. When I have a Vaughn dream I know the fears I'm facing in the present are visceral, important. The fear and rage I feel, but keep tightly clenched inside, hurts me. Dreams provide the lesson that I have the power to do something about it.
We all have this -- the power to recognize our issues in our dreams, the power to face it, the strength to come up with solutions. Our dreams are the product of our own minds. We don't have to explain them to anyone else. It is the most private of all aspects of our ourselves. They are our joys and our fears. They are us at the most essential level -- even if it's a chocolate fish hand, but mostly I like flying.