Squire’s
Castle was built as a gatehouse for Feargus Squire, a founder of Standard
Oil. Now the castle is part of
Cleveland Metroparks and is a scenic backdrop for weddings and picnics. That’s the castle, and Feargus was the
royalty. The king lived his excesses
while somebody else swept the floor, got blown up in refineries, and was beat
up by anti-union thugs in a time when widows couldn’t get work and companies
weren’t held responsible. People come
to the park now and imagine themselves as part of the elite where someone else
sweeps the floor. We can all live the
fantasy.
I
don't want to be a princess, and I don't want any kings. I just want to have the freedom to live a
middle-class life and retire someday when I can really paint whatever I want
without having to worry about how much money I get from it. I'd like some reassurance whoever inherits
my estate won't sell my life's work at a garage sale or throw it all away.
Last
night I said "Find your focal point!
Look at the light!" while a young woman huffed and groaned with
labor pains. I'm not really sure what
to say about this, especially since I don't feel like I have the right to talk
about her life in particulars.
"Remember, you're doing something men will never do! You are woman, roar!" Which caused me to get chastised for making
her laugh, and laughing hurt.
Her
young daughter was floating around the periphery of a very female experience,
and I remember being that age when my mom was huffing too. It was exciting in the moment. The more times it happened the more I
disapproved of my mother procreating, but the first time I didn't know that a
new king was supplanting my place in the family order.
I guess it's been an interesting week. I've been feeling very stressed and escaped
to the river on Friday after work.
"Is that a Hensley?"
"What? Do we all look alike?"
Kevin pantomimed me walking, or maybe he pantomimed my brother
walking. Okay, I laughed. I never
realized my family has a particular way of walking. I tried to notice as I walked through the woods and decided I
have "in the woods", "trespassing ", and "on the
street" modes. Bet my siblings
have those styles too. I'm going to
notice now.
I
have to walk through Kevin's kingdom to get to the "cutoff" where the
river was redirected by the Army Corp of Engineers when I was a kid. I walked around the resulting island and
noticed the old paths are gone. It was
like walking through virgin forest, but I know stories for a lot of the bits
and parts of that place, like the yurt my ex just had to have. My nephew stole the yurt and used it to
build a fort. I guess my ex was right
that the extra $ for oak was worth it because it's lasted a lot of years in the
woods. At least my nephew's kingdom
still exists in its way and I can hear remembered laughing.
I don't know where I'm going with any of this talk of kings
and kingdoms. The new baby was born
this morning. I painted this fish after
I finished that other painting. I don't
know what to do with it now because I want to work on something else. Anyone want to buy a fish skeleton? And I guess since I don't have anyone to
sweep the floor or do my laundry, I guess that's how I'm going to spend the day
in my kingdom.
