In a too small house with too many kids, my childhood was
very noisy. Fights over the bathroom, sisters' boundaries, parents shouting about chores, or whatever, I wanted them
all to shut up. Sometimes I wonder if
my current hearing problems are because I shut them out too effectively.
It wasn't until I had my own place that I confronted
silence. I loved it -- for a few
hours. Then I couldn't stand it. I turned on the tv first thing every morning
and let it run all day. It didn't matter
if I actually sat down to watch it, I needed background noise.
I was thinking about this while driving around in a world
full of crazy drivers. People on
the radio talked about computer hacking, cheating, and lying to spouses about Nordstrom
purchases. It didn't occur to me to turn it off or switch the station until
they threatened to inform me about buying and selling houses. Quiet!!
When there's constant noise, we don't have to think our own
thoughts, which is just as well because people are hard-wired towards
discontent. Or maybe I'm just wired
that way. If we're happy all the time
then there's no reason to push ourselves to do anything different than what we're
currently doing. No progress, no
growth, no creativity.
We build noise into our lives so we don't have to think
about that because achieving stuff involves effort, and gee it's so much easier
to lay on the couch and eat Tostitos.
I used to be good at quieting down and thinking about
stuff. Now it seems like all I do is
obsessively think about my irritations.
I don't think that's going to get me anywhere good -- or maybe that's
exactly what it takes to kick me off the couch and make my life better than it
currently is?
The world isn't just out there to do things to us that creates
situations we have to react to; we create our corner of the world. If we spend all our time thinking about how
we don't have enough money, then there will never be enough of it. If we don't feel loved, then we aren't going
to attract love.
Pick a topic, the same dynamic will still be true. I'm thinking especially about someone I've
dubbed "A2" who annoys me. I
expect him to annoy me, therefore he continues to do it. I've played a part in this, and if I quiet
myself enough to think about it all more consciously, just perhaps I can change
the dynamic? (Though I resent the fact
that I have to be the grownup in this and other situations!)
Our thoughts create a constant chatter of noise in our minds
and it's like the tv which is always on, but we aren't paying attention when our minds are impregnated with the desire to buy whitening toothpaste. Our thoughts can run in endless loops of
stuff that we fear instead of creating what we want.
I'm resolving to put more effort into turning off the noise and
meditating.
