Last week I gave a link for a paper describing "super
feelers" and was struck by the part about rescuing others and denying my
own needs. A cascade of self-harming
decisions flowed through my mind, and I thought about how ungrateful a lot of
the recipients were when I fell on the sword for them. Obviously, not one of my better life
strategies.
This has been a very current concern for me this week
because my office is downsizing space and I had to move my office into a large,
busy room (with 30 yrs of hoarding).
Adding to my concerns, this room was the domain of a very nice woman who
has been getting her hours cut. I
really, really didn't want to add to her unhappiness and I have been sleepless
with worries about how to make the space work for everybody. I sternly kept telling myself not to
sacrifice myself in office design, but so dreaded the disappointment or tears when my coworker found herself
shoved in a dark corner.
The construction leader yelled at me to vacate the other
office immediately or he'd put all my stuff in storage, despite the
fact that there wasn't room to turn around in the other room. It was jammed as we tried to take
things out of it to make space for me.
That super feeler paper clearly says I don't respond well to raised
voices. Then I wrenched my
shoulder. Yeah, this week sucked.
But, I managed to situate both myself and my coworker by the
windows, and she's thrilled with the new arrangement. I'm not happy to lose my privacy, but I feel like it's the best I
can do. Our desks face each other, and
she chattered happily while drills and saws echoed through the wall in my
previous sanctuary.
...Carefully arrange bird skull, feathers, and nest on my
shelf...
For my facebook friends who saw that one of the priests gave
me blanket absolution for swearing, well, can you see why? Someone told the construction leader to lay
off. His workers gave me a hand with some
things behind his back. A coworker
helped figure out how to make the space work.
Someone gave me a shot of bourbon.
I don't approve of drinking at work, but I felt gratitude and the warmth
of kindness spread through my bloodstream.
Another coworker loaned me a book by David Sedaris which actually made
me laugh out loud while cuddling my puppy in our cocoon at home.
It's a moment in time, but it shows people in their true
form. There was no need for yelling and
adding to the stress of things. One
person behaved badly, but all the other people either stayed out of the way or helped. Sometimes it's hard to remember percentages, but small acts of kindness go a long way. When multiple people do them they add
up to a larger quantity of kindness.
We can choose whether our experiences are positive or negative
based on which people we focus on. When
we choose our side, it effects everyone else.
We either gripe and complain, or we smile and pat an arm in sympathy. We all have the power to effect someone
else's life. Choose to make their lives
better.
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| Just to show you a better sense of scale |


