"Resolutions"

I've been posting something on my blog every week since last February. So not quite a year, but that has to count as holding up one of my resolutions. I decided to look back and see what I've done in the last year and pat myself on the head.

I'm not much for making New Year's resolutions. It seems like a false set up, and less likely to succeed than a determination I make at a random time of the year... but...? My friend Geof had to quit smoking because of his health problems, and that reminds me of the dangers of sucking nicotine -- something I've done myself for a very long time. I'm starting to feel the effects of it, and have been thinking about quitting, even before Geof had to go to the hospital. I had nonsmoking company this week and slapped a nicotine patch on my arm so I could be pleasant through the visit. Who knew? The things actually work. Now all I have to do is figure out how to make my brain work too.

The problem is nicotine patches can't eliminate my need to be contrary, self-destructive, or infantile about my addiction. I like smoking. I also like blintzes, ice cream, Pepsi, and who knows what else that isn't good for me. Obviously my oral fixation is my mother's fault for weaning me too young. Okay, Freud identified the problem, but did he have an effective solution for it?

Nonsmokers, and that's almost everybody else these days, often don't realize logic and lectures are ineffective methods of encouraging better behavior. If the source of the problem is neglect and criticism, lectures just reinforce the original issue. We all know smoking is a health risk. It says so right on the side of the pack. Lots of people will resolve to quit smoking tomorrow. Tell them you love them, then back away slowly as they nurse their hangovers and withdrawal. Or, keep them so distracted they don't have time to reach for old habits.

This drawing is old. I've kept it as my own internal nagging on the issue. Maybe, just maybe this time I'm ready to let go?