I'm sure a lot of mysteries will be explored with this
week's word, but I guarantee you there is nothing more mysterious than
plumbing, and I'll bet you didn't even think about it lately. Your plumbing probably works as
intended. It's like aliens, you don't
have to think about them unless you see a UFO.
You can go to church and the preacher doesn't even mention the subject
that knocks grown men to their knees with muttered or shouted exhortations and
imprecations at God.
My house is nearly 100 years old, and the plumbing is just
as ancient. Quality stuff for its time,
but that time is long gone. Though not
usually a praying type, I said a stream of fearful prayers as I turned off the
shutoff valves in the basement. It
worked on the hot. It took some cussing,
muscle, and tools (including a hammer) to force the cold. Heavy sigh of relief. Okay then.
More whispered prayers as I trudged upstairs to the tub.
I've had a minor drip.
I figured something needed a new washer. This should be easy, but I know from past experience it
isn't. I took off the handles, then the
escutcheons. I'm showing off here
because I know the right word for the decorative piece that hides the hole in
the wall, something I learned from previously humbling experiences. Anyway, I removed the escutcheons and
recoiled in horror. Someone had filled
them with plumbers putty which was impregnated with black mold. I knew I'd smelled mold before! I'd cleaned everything and thought I was
going crazy.
I disposed of the moldy putty and peroxided any remaining
toxins. I took apart the hot faucet,
screwed in a new washer and breathed a sigh of relief. I took apart the cold faucet and put on my
puzzled face. That doesn't look
right. It's not the same as the hot
faucet. Be that as it may, I replaced
the washer and put the faucet back in the wall.
I suspected the center handle was where my problems really
lay. I took that apart and it looked
like the cold faucet... I won't bore
you with all the details and the much trudging up and down basement
stairs. I replaced the washers in the
sink since the water was off. I got
everything back together and prayed some more as I turned the handles on the
shut off valves... and panicked because
the cold handle wouldn't turn on. More
muscle and tools... I have a minor drip in the tub which is slightly more minor
than when I started. If I really use
muscle I can turn it off entirely.
The sink faucets shrieked when I turned on the water, but
they worked fine. I considered living
with the shrieking, but I went to the hardware store to buy different
washers. A helpful man opened a drawer
and showed me his array of brightly colored circles. "1/4", 1/4",1/4",1/4"" he said as
he pointed to 4 different sized washers.
"That makes no sense!" I exclaimed. Nonetheless, each is 1/4" even though I don't understand
why. The nice man offered to sell me a
variety package for $5, 1 washer looking to be about the right size. That meant $10 of washers to fix my
sink? Grrr. But far be it for me to question the divine rules of
plumbing. I picked 2 sizes from the
tray and spent 29¢ each instead. The
sink no longer screeches.
I don't know if I can handle tempting fate again on the tub
mysteries. I'm certainly not calling
the last plumber who must've been the one to pack my escutcheons with moldy
plumbers putty. My best advice is if
you can relate to any of this it's time to brush up on your prayers or buy a
new house.
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| The part used for both the cold water faucet and the shower diverter. I'll happily accept advice from plumbers who know if I should replace it on the cold water. |
