I’m a creative, experienced, multi-purpose artist and art director
who can take projects start to finish in a variety of styles.

Good designs sell –
my designs sell out!

Saturday, November 8, 2014


I have a sensual relationship with paper.  Coarse paperbacks, silky Bristol board, wispy rice paper… Mmmm…  I think this started when I discovered construction paper in vivid primary and secondary hues, Mom yelling “Don’t run with scissors!” She didn’t like little bits of paper lying on the floor, but I liked them.  It was like discovering bits of previous inspirations.  Mom just doesn’t understand creative priorities sometimes.  She has a real thing against Legos too.

I’m trying to distract myself today by thinking of happy paper thoughts because what I’m really thinking about how much I hate the newspaper sometimes.  Dad used to read the obituaries every day and say “Well, I’m not in here today!” – until one day he was.

It’s been one of those weeks -- another accident, another irreplaceable person gone, another round of picking up pieces like little bits of construction paper.  The fact that I’ve been through this a number of times doesn’t make it any better; the steps to follow are just more predictable.

Wednesday I had dinner with Toby and her husband Tim.  We laughed and talked and everything was so normal.  I liked the way Toby smiled, and liked figuring ways to make her do it.  When we parted in the parking lot I gave her a hug, thinking about what I wrote last week about touch and hugs.  How could I know that would be the last time I’d get to hug her?

She was warm and smart and funny and everything nice.  I am so going to miss her.

I don’t know why the school bus hit her or how the kids on the bus are affected by being part of an accident like this.  How the bus driver will deal with it?  How can I help Tim in the aftermath of this kind of shock?

I think about how Tim kept loading her plate with zucchini during dinner.  They seemed so well matched and happy together.  It seemed like they had figured out zucchini compatibility and every other kind of sharing a long time ago.  I can only be glad for them that they had that kind of happiness together.

I’m blessed to have known her, so sad I can’t know her longer.

Moving along to the next phase of grief, I’m so POed that I have to deal with this again.  How many other people have to keep burying their friends?  I’ve been going back and forth between sympathy and concern for Tim, anger, sorrow, self-pity… yeah, all the usual stuff.  I know all these feelings are normal and part of the process, but I don’t want to feel these things.  I’d like to be able to just have dinner with Toby again.  We would’ve seen each other again next Saturday and laughed over bagels.  We were regular as clockwork, and now there’s a gaping hole in my monthly calendar.

Life sucks, and then you die.  One of these days it will be my turn.  Meanwhile, please send healing thoughts and prayers to Tim.


  1. Oh Linda, I am so sorry. God be with you and with Tim.

  2. Oh Linda, life does throw shit at you sometimes (sorry about my language but I'm so angry you are going through all this again). I am so sorry to read this and my heart goes out to her husband and everyone who obviously loved her. Keep strong for him and thank goodness you gave her that hug. Sending a huge hug to you my friend, take care xx

  3. Your tribute to Toby makes me wish I had known her better than I did. Maybe she and Geof have secured our table for Saturday Brunch, and they will be there when we arrive. Hugs to you once more, Linda.

  4. Ah Linda. So sorry. Terrible to lose a friend. My thoughts are with you.

  5. Aw, Linda. How awfully sad. May Toby rest in peace.
    My warm thoughts to you and others who love her.

  6. Linda, my condolences to Tim, and a big hug to you. I'm very sorry to read about your grief and the lost of such a dear friend. Take good care, support Tim and I hope your calm hours of making art will help you to deal with your grief.

  7. Thanks everybody! I like the idea of Geof and Toby waiting for us at a Sunday brunch. In the meantime I'm consoling myself with the thought that I was lucky to know them. Thanks for the kind thoughts and wishes for Tim!

  8. Life can be so unfair at times. And you never know whats going to happen next. Scary. I always feel sad at this time of year because the holidays can be a lonely time for people like me without family. My parents are gone and I have no siblings. It's just me and the hubbs. Thank god for him.

  9. I'm beginning to suspect that "surreal" is other name for Life. Or maybe I'm just waking up to how it really has been all along? I understand your grief and anger: we have had friends and family falling or in the process of exciting this plane with greater frequency lately. But a sudden accident is especially hard to take...no time to say goodbye and I love you. I am sending you six of my biggest, warmest hugs, Linda, and some to your friend Tim too. All of this is for heart-opening, I know, but when we usually walk around with our tender hearts largely shielded, heart-opening feels like a rip straight through our soul. Thinking of you. ♡

  10. I'm sorry you don't have family around for the holidays Sharon. Appreciating your husband is good, especially when moments like Toby's passing remind us that our loved ones can be taken away. Wise thoughts Susan. I'll try to keep my heart open. Thanks for the kind thoughts!

  11. I feel your pain today, Linda. Sending condolences to you and Tim, along with warmest hugs and hopes that beautiful friendships will continue to bloom for you.

  12. Thanks Michele! I guess it's just another reminder to appreciate people when we've got them in our lives.

  13. If I had read this post before your current post, I would have been shocked and would have cried. It takes me through memories of those who I know who have passed on. One person was a blog friend. Coincidentally, she was hit by a bus, too. Just a month or so prior to her death, her husband had died. Her name was Diane. Her sister is now raising the kids.
    I hope you don't mind me writing this; just feeling a bit of grief along with the enormous amount you must be feeling.
    Blessings to you and Toby's family and all of her friends.
    What a shock.