"Heroic"

Neville Longbottom won the house championship for Gryffindor at Hogwarts.  He was a clumsy, pudgy, forgetful, unlikely hero, but he was willing to fight his friends to do what was right.

"There are all kinds of courage," said Dumbledore, smiling. "It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to our enemies, but just as much to stand up to our friends."

Sometimes I think Harry Potter was a stupid, arrogant child to think he could save the world.  But he was destined to be the hero, which makes me angry at destiny playing with people's insignificant, little lives.  Perhaps I identify a little too strongly with Harry?  However, we need Nevilles.  The US really needs Republican Nevilles right now.

We also clearly need Bernie Sanders, Elizabeth Warren, Keith Olbermann, John Oliver, Rachel Maddow, Stephen Colbert, moms fighting for kids' education and school lunches,  old people with hiking sticks, scientists with pocket protectors, and people with pussy hats.  They are all heroes, yet we also need people on the other side of the fight to be heroes too because with all branches of the US government in the hands of one party, these are the people who can best stand up to the current insanity.

Most Americans agree on major issues.  Dumping sludge in streams is a bad idea.  Kids need to go to school.  Old people and the disabled need social security.  Issue after issue, Americans agree about our major goals.  We can disagree about some specifics, but our goals are mostly the same.

There are Republicans in Congress and on the courts who know that the current fascist moves of the T white house are wrong.  A few have spoken up, but how many others are waiting and fearing on the sidelines without truly representing the people?  How many representatives avoid home town hall meetings because they know the voters are mad and afraid?

I'm asking Republicans to do what's right.  Be informed of what's going on beyond Fox News.  Encourage nonpartisan reviews of illegal, unpatriotic actions.

Do you really want to be remembered for being in Voldemort's party?  Remember, the different Hogwarts houses came together in the end.  Slitheran Severus Snape is remembered in the end as one of the greatest heroes.  I'm not asking you to sing Kumbaya, wear a pussy hat, and agree with Democrats on everything.  Just speak up against insanity.

Bro2 and I lunched and this is his contribution to "heroic".  We didn't vote the same  in the election, but I totally agree with his take on the topic.  We're both engrossed and disgusted with current events.  Let's all of us, on every side of it, speak up and do what we can whether we're Neville, Harry, or Severus.

Dragon 2

I got a beau into a creek once.  He stood ankle-deep in the water with a charmingly miserable expression before I relented and let him put his shoes back on to walk on the path.  Maybe we were both at our most elemental in that moment?  We both wanted to please the other.  I wanted him to enjoy the beauty of a waterfall accessible only by sloshing downstream.  He went along, but after 20 years in the Army he'd had enough of wet feet.  He'd rather get a pedicure and foot rub.

We are alike in doing things we may not enjoy for the benefit of someone else's pleasure or needs.  I'm thinking about this a lot after reading The Drama of the Gifted Child.  I'm not really recommending the book, but I learned some things.

Dragon wall pocket

Maybe all parents are narcissists, some more than others.  Parents teach their children values of "good" and "bad" based on the parents' needs.  Some parents teach their kids not to cry through neglect.  Some carry children obsessively.  Either way, the need of the parent is more important than the child's.  The infant becomes good at recognizing what the parent wants and adapts.

Whoever the child might've been is lost because satisfying the parents' needs is more important than what the child wants.  As kids get older, layers of beliefs and values are plastered all over them, especially the message to please their parents.

Who or what would I have been if I'd been raised by someone else somewhere else?  It's an unanswerable question, but I've been wondering about it a lot.  Maybe I'm more me than other kids could be because I spent so much time alone running loose in the woods?

There were times when I looked at my parents and thought "You people are crazy!" and consciously chose to continue thinking whatever I believed in the first place.  I'm sure there were many more times that I absorbed what they wanted me to absorb.  Childhood is a long time ago though, and how do I know what was the original me and I'm thinking and living because of them?

Dragon by G. T. Vaughn

Somewhere I read that we spend our adult years trying to get back to our original selves, who we were before the world made us into something else.  I think of my beau's wet feet and see that both of us wanting to please the other so much is a sign that we both put others' needs ahead of our own.  That's sweet and nice in a way, and totally wrong in another.

I laid awake in bed this week thinking about what other people want from me and trying to figure out how to get it all done.  I know they don't waste much time thinking about me.  I want to find a better balance.  What do I really want, not what I'm "supposed to" want?

I intend to achieve maximum happiness in this life.  It seems that knowing what makes us happy is the ultimate key to the mysteries of ourselves.

Illustration Friday didn't give a word this week, so more dragons.  I seem to own a number of them.  The clay dragon at the top is something I made from river clay.

"Dragon"

I have a temper.  Most people don't see it because I try to keep it very firmly under control.  Most of the time.  Of the people who have seen my temper, most become more careful about waking that dragon.  Some find it entertaining to find out just what it will take to bring it out again.  I think they play with fire.

Anger isn't a socially acceptable emotion, but it's a real emotion with a lot of power.  I vented to a friend after a contentious board meeting about children's education.  Her mother-in-law said "Oh, don't get worked up about it.  You can't change anything."  I lost it and loudly told the very nice old lady "Yes, we can change things!  The reason things don't change is because people like you won't do anything about it!"

I continued to serve on the board, doing my best to educate the educators about the value of arts inclusion.  My anger fueled my fight for the kids who were getting ripped off in their educations.  We have decades of data that clearly demonstrates that the arts improve children's performance in academics, yet the arts were erased from the curriculum.

Another woman told me we shouldn't provide free lunches to poor kids.  She put her kids in religious school, and other people could do the same.  If parents don't work hard enough, too bad if their children starved.  I exploded.  How callous can a person be to let children starve?!!  It's not their fault if their parents are poor, but they'll pay the price in their mental and physical health for the rest of their lives if they grow up malnourished.  That selfish woman will have to support those kids in their adult years too.  (I'm pretty sure I shouted something about Jesus not approving her sanctimonious attitude too.)

I suppose the core of my anger isn't always sublime.  I've been hungry.  I've been angry about being hungry too.  My anger is personal, but I can spread it out to encompass other hungry people.  I've been victimized by selfish people, therefore selfishness opens a wound in me that never heals.

I don't want to be angry, that's why I try to keep my anger under control.  I'll admit that sometimes I can be afraid of my own anger because once it's loose I'm not sure what's going to happen.

At my first job out of college I was called in front of a large panel of execs who told me to quit drawing black athletes.  "We're a white area.  Our readers won't relate to all these black people."  I remember my first sentence. "There are a lot of black people in Painesville and Euclid."  I have a dim out-of-body memory of saying a whole lot more, but I have no clue what.  All I know is that the owner of the newspaper told my boss that I was never to be fired and that he personally wanted to be informed if I quit.  (I guess I screwed up my chance at permanent employment by quitting not long after that.)

Anger is motivating.  When things are bad enough, getting angry is the way towards change.  In our personal lives, or changing the world, sometimes there's a reason to wake the dragon.

"Usually when people are sad, they don't do anything. They just cry over their condition. But when they get angry, they bring about a change." ~ Malcolm X

"It is wise to direct your anger towards problems — not people; to focus your energies on answers — not excuses." ~ William Arthur Ward

"Anger is just anger. It isn't good. It isn't bad. It just is. What you do with it is what matters. It's like anything else. You can use it to build or to destroy. You just have to make the choice." ~ Jim Butcher, White Night

"Rescue"

This painting was created with Dr. PH. Martin’s radiant watercolors with Prismacolors on illustration board. It’s the epitome of anti-archival painting because the watercolors are very light sensitive, and Prismacolors can get icky over time. The radiant watercolors are also next to impossible to scan accurately, which makes them a poor choice for reproduction.

“So,” you might logically ask, “why do it in the first place?” Good question! Because the colors of the Dr. Martin’s is so vibrant and beautiful, they are joyful colors to paint with.

I suppose Pegasus is rescuing Bellerophon from the dragon in the painting, but my connection to Illustration Friday’s word of the week is because I rescued the painting. I had given the painting to my brother because he likes this kind of subject, but between his various moves, the painting ended up in our mother’s garage and started molding in the dampness.

I was horrified by this blatant lack of respect for my artistic gifting. This is especially unforgiveable because my brother is also a painter and should’ve known better, but he is often just as careless with his own work. He also has a very annoying habit of painting over things I really like. I’d rather buy him a new canvas than watch him destroy beautiful things, but let’s get back to the moldy dragon…

I took the painting home and sorrowed over its pitiful state, without really knowing what to do about it. In the end, I took it out of it’s frame and found that much of the mold was on the glass and mat. That was easily solved with Windex and by throwing away the mat, but I was still left with some mold on the actual painting. I knew that mold can spread if you don’t kill it, but I was also pretty sure that anything that would kill the mold would also destroy the painting. I carefully dusted off as much mold as I could, and then dabbed detergent on the remainder. I lucked out because the mold was only on the background, and the background is washy in the first place. The Dr. Martin’s actually dyes the illustration board, so it didn’t lift as easily as watercolors would’ve done. With careful dabbing with water, thorough drying, and reframing, the painting was rescued.

My brother came over and saw the painting hanging in my bedroom. “Hey! Isn’t that my painting?” he asked. “Not any more!” I responded. He must be punished for poor parental care of my work! But on a different level, this painting is a reminder to me of many things, including my affection for my brother. It reminds me that things can be rescued if you dare to try, that even anti-archival paintings can last, and then there’s always the idea of Pegasus rescuing Bellerophon.