“Drill”, #inktober52, #inktober

 
I have been reminded of my blogging duties, especially as Mom said she thought I was dead or dying.  My apologies for dropping off the web this past month.  I kept trying to write a post, but I just couldn’t find the right words to say what I want to say.  I want to yell “Don is a bad boyfriend!”, and I’m pretty sure nobody wants to read my yelling.

Here’s the thing, I had a narcissistic husband.  I didn’t know anything about Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and I fell for many of his tricks.  Since then, I’ve studied NPD (beyond my friends’ patience and understanding).  I’m like an alcoholic who quit drinking with it.  I want everybody to see the light and know the things I’ve learned.  After I started my studies, Don became the US president.  This really made me want to educate everyone about the dangers he poses – except one of the realities about NPD is other people really don’t want to hear it.  Do you see my conundrum?

Most people know Don is a bad boyfriend.  He cheated on his mistress right after his wife gave birth to their son.  We all know he’s a racist and misogynist.  We know he’s out for himself and hangs out with criminals.  We know he breaks laws.  His base forgives everything even if they say they don’t like him either.

I blamed myself for a long time during the marriage and long after my divorce.  I knew I was miserable, why didn’t I leave sooner?  But I valued the marriage commitment.  Sometimes I believed his lies.  Maybe I’m too stubborn, or too optimistic.  I tried to work out our problems.  I didn’t understand he didn’t want to work them out.  He enjoyed fighting and making me miserable.  He twisted everything around so I didn’t know which way was up, and he felt entitled to do whatever he wanted to do.  Live with it.

This week it came out Don doesn’t respect soldiers wounded or killed in battle.  Nobody is really surprised by this, are they?  Life as we know it is threatened by climate change.  Don wants to drill for oil in one of the last undisturbed places in the world.  He doesn’t care about the planet, nature, or you.  Take away Social Security from old people too.  He doesn’t care about you.  He’ll leave all of us to clean up his messes and heal our broken hearts.

My ex would do something nice every now and then.  Okay, I like getting flowers or going out for dinner.  See, he loves me.  Doesn’t he?  I’ll keep trying to work things out… but then he didn’t come home or show me respect or whatever.  Don is just the same.  He’ll throw his base a bone like nominating judges or giving the wealthiest people a tax break.  He says that’s what you wanted so shut up.

His opponent, Joe Biden, is by all accounts a decent man with a lifetime of government experience.  He and his running mate, Kamala Harris, both have centrist, moderate goals.  For some people, that’s just not exciting enough.  They aren’t turned on by the good man even though he’d make a better partner.  They want the bad boy even if the bad boy punches them out once in a while and might end up killing all of us.

I don’t know how to convince anyone Don is a bad president.  200,000 Americans are dead from Covid-19 because he either didn’t act or encouraged risky behaviors.  His actions have resulted in most Americans saying they won’t get a vaccine when it’s available because they don’t trust how it’s been developed and rushed.  You know in your heart that if Don was a good leader we’d trust the vaccine.  We don’t.  He isn’t.  Please vote responsibly.

"Trial"

A wise woman once told me, "The law doesn't guarantee justice; it gives you a chance for justice."  I was young, angry, and idealistic then.  I didn't just want justice, I needed it.  I didn't get it.  Others with more power, influence, and money won despite a boxful of documented proof and a signed confession.  I'll admit to some lasting bitterness.

My wise friend was right.  We only get a chance for justice.  That doesn't mean we'll get it.  OJ Simpson got off.  Kobe Bryant was hailed as a fallen hero this week despite admitting his behavior was nonconsensual when a teenager accused him of a violent rape.  Kobe paid her off like so many other powerful men paid their rape victims to keep them silent.  The reporter who dared mention this after his sudden death was suspended.

So, even while hope springs eternal, I have a jaded view of 45's current trial in the US Senate.  Everyone knows he's guilty.  He's admitted it, his chief of staff admitted it, on and on and on.  It takes a 2/3 majority to convict and it's a foregone conclusion the Republican senators will let him off.  Too many Americans don't know the facts and don't care to learn them.  I'm afraid this criminal will not only get acquitted, but get reelected and/or tank the economy and/or get us into more wars, not to mention setting a legal standard which destroys the principles upon which the US was founded.

I've been through this before.  As a child, I watched the Watergate hearings.  Guilty, guilty, guilty -- yet the Republicans defended the indefensible.  I couldn't believe they supported criminal behavior.  When Nixon resigned, I was elated to see some sort of justice.  When Ford pardoned him, I felt betrayed.  Reagan and Bush got off on the Iran-Contra proceedings.  Clinton got off for his actions with his intern.  Let's face it, perps get off all the time, and the more money and power they've got, the more likely they'll get off even if everyone knows they're guilty.  I feel like going to DC and yelling "For shame!" at all of them.

A pal and I bashed the Washington idiots over lunch this week.  My friend had worked up a head of steam when our pretty, young waitress showed up with our bill.  I said, "If you agree with us about the trial it'll be good for your tip!"  She looked surprised and I felt a little abashed for putting her on the spot -- then she launched into an impassioned, impromptu speech about how no young person could support the president, no woman should support him.  Her hand on her heart, she didn't bother to lower her voice as she poured out her feelings in an educated lecture of the state of things.

She looked like a heroine from another era.  Get that girl a soapbox!  Let's take her on tour!  She is everything good and wonderful and she did my heart a lot of good.  She gives me hope for the future no matter how messed up the current state of things might be.  (She got a healthy tip too.)

So yeah, hope springs eternal even while I expect to be angry and disappointed by the Senate trial.  This too shall pass, yet this disappointment is motivating people.  I have hope that the current Senate cowards will be replaced in November.  Maybe we'll get another trial next year with a more just outcome?

"History" "Ancient" #inktober and #inktober2019

The other day a friend called and asked for help raking leaves.  I warned him I was in shorts and he joked about my marble legs seeing daylight, asking what kind of columns my legs were.  I promptly replied, "Doric".  He laughed and said, "I thought so!"  I laughed because he understood my answer even though he didn't suffer through 4 years of art history classes in college.  Ah yes, nerd humor.

Every year I look on with interest at other people's submissions for Inktober.  I keep meaning to do something for it, and then, well...  Okay, I procrastinate and make excuses.  Yesterday, I found a pen on my desk I kind of like.  IF was days late with the weekly word, I saw the Inktober list, and the universe collided into actual action.  I'll sum up my expensive college understanding of Greek columns for both IF's "History" and Inktober's "Ancient".

The first "order" is Doric.  This is the simplest style with a square on top of the column.

The second order is Ionic.  This style is recognized by the big scrolls at the top.

The third order is Corinthian.  This is the fanciest style with leaves and other decoration.

Really, do you need to know any more than that about Greek architecture?  Yeah, you can learn more about their buildings, but I think this is all I've needed to keep in my long-term memory.  These styles were taken by the Romans and many other cultures.  The US uses them extensively in government buildings as a way to harken back to the first efforts at democracy with the hope for the timelessness and solidity of that ancient realm.

Part of me really wants to write about current political events in the US.  Another part of myself is screaming at myself to shut up about it.  Just let things play out and hope for the best.  Maybe the only real answer is to let a little of this leak out in this post?

We're living in history right now.  The president will be impeached.  That's a foregone conclusion because the House of Representatives has the numbers and intention to do it.  Then the matter will go to the Senate who has the duty to decide whether or not to evict the president from the White House.  The Senate is ruled by the president's party, so actually firing him is probably unlikely, but it could happen depending on what comes up during the trial.  I feel like I'm reliving my childhood during Nixon's impeachment.  I can't stop watching today's news just like I obsessively watched it back then.  I'm really tired of reality TV and wish for a calmer political climate.

I'm also very taken by Greta Thunberg, the Swedish teenager who passionately spoke to the United Nations about climate change.  She's right about it all.  The world leaders bicker about stupid stuff and don't seem to actually do the things they need to do to protect our world.  This too is our living history.  If something doesn't change I don't know if there will be anyone left to read about it in the future.  I wish her success in her mission and hope.

I don't know if I'll be diligent with more Inktober drawings.  I'll give it a try.  People of all levels of ability participate.  If you'd like to play, go to the site here.

"Politician"

I effected government this week!  There was an emergency city council meeting for community feedback about erecting an apartment building for seriously disturbed and/or addicted people a couple of blocks from the schools and public library.  I had misgivings and went to city hall to find out more.

I didn't have much notice so I couldn't research anything to form an opinion.  No one else had much notice either.  All were outraged council tried to slide this by without public input.  The emergency meeting was only held due to quick actions by 2 council members.  I've never seen city hall so crowded.  People were jammed shoulder to shoulder, butts to tummies, and most couldn't even get in the room -- but they shouted and clapped from the jammed lobby.  It was hot in more ways than one, but we all stood for hours in a crowded room without air conditioning during suffocating high temps and humidity.

The pretty spokeswomen for the project appealed to our empathy.  Sick people need a place to live.  Are we a hard-hearted community who would turn these unfortunate people away?  I think most of us care about mental health and caring for those who need help, but the pretty women lectured us so long the angry horde started yelling at them to shut up with their sales pitch.  This is unusual in my town.  We're polite, not like our neighboring city and my hometown.  Those council meetings are legendary.

It turned out the residents would be very minimally supervised and could come and go as they pleased.  The city would get a 1-time payment of $100,000, no property tax would be charged.  No income tax would be earned as the residents would be too sick to hold jobs.

The citizens were allowed to speak, and some spoke really well.  I felt a sense of community with people who've lived here for decades and even generations.  At the very end, I  spoke up and said I'd listened to what everyone had to say.  Others had voiced my immediate concerns when I heard about the proposal and I summarized their points, dinging the mayor for his lack of research and community involvement. 

I raised a point others were too nice to say about the geography of my town.  We're close to the big city, but just inside the county line of suburbia.  With easy freeway access, we already struggle to deal with the drugs and crime leaking over the border.  We're a tiny city and our police have too much to handle.  (The police chief loves me now.)  The money offered by this for-profit company would be gone in no time for police, roads, etc.  The company didn't offer guarantees the residents would take their meds.  If one of them committed suicide, it would be our people cleaning up the mess. 

The pretty women spoke about how we should care for the troubled in our community, but these weren't "our" people.  We're happy to take responsibility for those in our small city, but we can't take on the big city's problems.  I talked for my whole 5 minutes, and I'm pretty sure everything I said was on point.  The council president nodded as I spoke and I got a round of applause from the angry horde.  I'm patting myself on the head for speaking well at the right time.  Yay!!!  I was flushed with the joy of accomplishment, or maybe heat stroke?  Did I mention there wasn't any AC?  Plus, I hate public speaking.

The police chief gave the grim stats of another city with one of these facilities.  He reemphasized my point the company wasn't offering enough to cover our costs to host them.  Then, it turns out the property is a cemetery without head stones.  You want to dig up a graveyard to put unsupervised severely mentally ill people by a school?!

Some councilmen still voted for this mess despite the angry horde.  I think they got together with the company's pretty women over drinks and forgot politicians work for us.  Now I know who to vote against next time, but the majority of council voted it down.  Yay for the people!!!

Let me add a point about caring for mentally ill people.  We should.  It's the right thing to do.  People who need help should have a place to get it.  It's just city planners need to use their brains about where such facilities are placed and listen to the people.

"Electricity 2"

For idle entertainment, I did this flower over a previously rejected painting.  I took it with me when I went out for drinks with a couple of my buddies.  They're going through issues and I thought we all could lighten up.  My friends enthusiastically told me to paint more of this kind of thing.  Hmm... I pondered.  They like this, but they studied my hide and seek paintings much longer.  I put heart and soul into those paintings where the flower was just for fun.  Fun doesn't feel important (except it is).

Bro2 went back to an old job where he's appreciated and happy and has time for philosophical conversations.  Bro agreed with my friends.  He likes this painting too.  He said he can imagine someone filling a wall with my flowers.  I saidI find this ironic as he often paints over his whimsical efforts, and I like his happy paintings.  I snatched one before he finished it because I was afraid he'd paint something black and dismal over it, bleeding dragons or something.  Aren't you the pot calling the kettle black?  Bro said my brain was unloading subconscious thoughts, chakra colors... Besides, the flower wasn't hard to make so make more of them.  Maybe?  What do you think?

Our conversation led to politics, a subject on which we don't agree -- except we do in most things except for whom we actually vote.  We both value environmental issues and education.  We agree our government isn't working for us little people.  We believe in the separation of church and state.  We agree President Doofus is a narcissistic liar.

Life would be more agreeable if we stuck to our agreements, but no, we talked about guns.  Bro owns them and wants to keep them.  I don't think he's going to shoot anyone, so I don't care he has them.  I care about is psychopaths shooting up schools and children who die because their idiot parents don't practice gun safety.  I think background checks and reasonable restrictions are appropriate.  Bro thinks Democrats want to take away his guns.  My hunting relatives share his fear.  I don't think the politicians understand this is a make it or break it issue for a lot of people in my neck of the woods, and Ohio is a battleground state.  Gun control people push moderates to vote for Doofus.

At some point in our conversation, I passionately talked about the connection between prior domestic abuse and spousal murder.  Background checks can save lives.  Guns isn't my issue, but protecting people is.  I'm furious Epstein got off so easily when he was previously convicted for abusing girls.  I hope he rots in prison for the rest of his life on the current charges against him.  It's just a matter of time before we get evidence Doofus knew about, or even participated in, Epstein's pedophilia...

Bro made the point that my outrage gets in the way of making an effective argument and I'm not going to win anyone to my way of thinking with this approach.  Harrumpf.  I sputtered about how nobody cares about facts anymore.  Doofus says no collusion or obstruction a million times and people believe him despite Mueller's report citing hundreds of Russian contacts by the Doofus campaign and many, many instances of obstruction of justice...

Bro is right.  This isn't a winning approach.  We agreed gun education would be helpful in a country that's going to keep having guns whether we like it or not.  I'm thinking of painting flowers.  I'm glad Bro is at a happier job where he has time to challenge me on both art and politics.

"Vote"

I blame the upcoming US election for my emergency dentist appointment.  I've been gritting my teeth during the day and grinding them in my sleep at night, but the final culprit was chewing celery.  C'mon!  Celery?

I loved my dentist, but he retired this summer.  This left me with the painful task of finding someone new.  I've been asking everyone for recommendations.  I researched those recommendations.  In a way, it's a different kind of voting.  Some people care most about friendliness.  Others, cleanliness.  I don't want to befriend my dentist.  I want to assume any dentist's office is clean.  I care about honesty and quality.  We're building a very important, long-term relationship and I want it based on trust.

Dr. Neil has 16 hearts on the community page.  That's more hearts than anyone else.  I hope I'll be able to heart him too.  Sometimes the popular vote works out.  I'm hoping to get lucky with Dr. Neil, and that the Democrats get a lot of hearts on Tuesday.  Actually, I'm hoping the Democrats win everything.  I long for congressional oversight and more sense in government.

Not so long ago, a young person said I was talking "almost like a Republican!"  I laughed.  As I just wrote, I hope the Dems win everything on Tuesday.  At the same time, I don't think the Dems are always right.  They're just our best hope for actual oversight and responsibility at the moment, and they're the only party that is actually reflecting the views of the majority of the population.

I have a long-term hope that the responsible Republicans will create a viable third party which kicks out the racists, misogynists, climate change deniers, and lunatics.  Until then, I'm voting Democrat.  I hope you will too.  I can't afford the dental bill if you don't.

Enough about the election!  I needed a pic of myself for a bio in a magazine and copied it for my profile here.  I'm not convinced it looks like me enough.  I kept thinking it looks like Mary Poppins.  I've always had a soft spot for Julie Andrews, but never thought I looked like her before.  I traced my selfie to see what I was getting wrong and thought the tracing looked even less like me.  Oh well, better than my 4 year old photo?

Maybe none of us really comprehend what we actually look like?  One woman told me her nose was too pointy.  I thought she had a cute snub nose.  I could see what she was saying, sort of, if you caught her at just the right angle, but I don't think anyone but her would see it without her bemoaning it.  Even if they did, I think most would think her pretty.  I admire Rembrandt for being brave enough to see himself honestly and to paint himself as he aged.

There's a tiny self portrait in my latest painting, from back in the day when I was young and slim.  I actually made this dress out of black velvet although I'm not a seamstress.  I was even kicked out of home economics class.  Successfully sewing velvet made me pretty pleased with myself.  I wrote about wearing this dress once.  You can read about it here.

"Cat"

My recent paintings are an autobiography of sorts, and part of the research I do is reading my journals.  Example: Dec. 16, 1990 "I hate the damned cat most of the time."  There was more in the entry about the general havoc and destruction Dash was wreaking on my kitchen at the time.  Dogs at least show remorse when they do something wrong.  Cats seem to glory in it, though when my cat wasn't breaking things he was rather sweet.

I spoke with a friend this week about my ex-bf who read my journal -- and held what he read against me for the rest of our relationship.  My friend laughed and said he'd never be stupid enough to tell me he'd read my journal.  "Would you read it?!" I asked.  "Sure!" he replied.  Seeing as I used to date this guy I asked if he had read my journals.  He said he hadn't, but it was now established that he wasn't stupid enough to tell me if he did.

My journals suffered repeated invasions of privacy by multiple people which caused me to destroy many of them and not to write about my feelings for years.  I think it was a different form of abuse really.  Other people's nosiness caused me to cut off a healthy coping skill and destroyed my trust in those people.

I didn't really hate my cat.  I was just mad at him.  Writing what I felt in the moment with the intention of nobody's eyes but my own was a safe way to vent.  I sometimes wrote about people the same way.  Sometimes I didn't know what I felt and I wrote until I figured it out.

One time, a woman picked up my journal and started to read it in front of me.  Short of a fist fight, she wouldn't give it up.  In the end, I let her read what I'd written -- which was concern about her parenting skills.  Maybe she learned something useful?  I'm pretty sure she still holds what I wrote against me too -- which doesn't mean I should have to give up my self-expression to make her happier.  There's a reason journals are supposed to be private.

Unlike all these other people, I usually don't reread my journals.  Doing research for my paintings has been an interesting journey.  The amount of time I obsessed about stupid things and worrying about other people!  I want that time back.  I guess seeing this is part of the benefits of age and wisdom?

For my current paintings, I summarize my journal entries.  I journal more.  I figure out major themes and type a summary.  When the painting is finished, I've thought and felt all I need to think and feel about the subject.  It's a lot of work, but it's also been enormously helpful in seeing things I couldn't see before in people and events.  Maybe all this sounds too obsessive compulsive?  The thing is, I think everything we feel and experience stays in our muddy brains until it's resolved.  Thinking a lot about some things now means I won't have to think about them anymore.  In other words, less work in the end.

Sometimes we have to just look for the good in bad outcomes.  For instance, I think the US Supreme Court battle has finally cured me of my news addiction.  I can't stand to look at those people in DC.  They're like cats smashing things in the kitchen for fun.  I hope the Democrats win everything in November.

"Queen"

It's personal.  Dr. Christine Blasey Ford testified to the US Senate Judiciary Committee this week and represented women across the country.  The senators believed her when she said she was attacked, pinned down, and nearly raped -- but somehow, this intelligent, educated, and reasonable woman was "mistaken" when she pointed the finger squarely at Brett Kavanaugh and said she's 100% sure he and his friend were the ones who did it.

Kavanaugh lied to the committee on numerous points.  Nobody believes the crap he says to defend his drinking, virginity, extreme debt, gambling, or access to stolen Democrat communication.  We know Trump wants Kavanaugh on the Supreme Court because he believes in expansion of presidential power without prosecution for crimes.  It's a plus for all the Republicans that Kavanaugh made wildly partisan accusations in his testimony.

He's not a good choice for the Supreme Court, and the Republicans don't care about his victims because he's on their side.  Never mind there are better people on their side who could be chosen.  Never mind that President Obama's choice was ignored for a year.  Ignore Kavanaugh's petulant and aggressive attitude, which isn't what anyone wants in a judge.

If one of the brightest, best, and accomplished women in the country is disregarded, then all women are disregarded.  When the old men of the Senate know they have to hire a female to ask questions to pretend fairness, then run right over that attorney, all women have been run over.  When the sins of one man are disregarded, the abusers of all women are given the liberty to do what they want without fear of consequences.

It's personal because I know too many women who have been abused.  One of my friends was killed by her husband.  I know too many women (and men) who have been raped.  Victims don't get to have a voice.  Police don't defend them, prosecutors don't take their cases.  Even when an abuser or rapist is convicted, they serve little or no time for it.  Go ahead, give one of them a Supreme Court seat.

A couple of women cornered Senator Flake at an elevator and let them know what they thought of him and his judicial vote.  One of them screamed, "Doesn't my life matter??"  Yeah, it's personal.  She's speaking for me and for too many others.

I've been to the police station, I've plead for my rights after assault, stalking, discrimination, and harassment.  From 3 to my 50s, I've repeatedly been attacked, dismissed by authorities, and told over and over to just get over it and move on.

I'm not over it.  I'm furious.  I'm sick about all of it.  I actually cried with the women accosting Flake at the elevator, and I really thought I'd already cried all my tears by now.

Women's lives matter.  Dr. Blasey Ford has my most sincere appreciation for going to the Senate to testify even though she knew it was hopeless.  She was brave to do it anyway.  Maybe it will make a difference in some way.  Maybe it will motivate the rest of us, who are the majority, into forcing change.

"Jail 2"

My dog won't eat rhubarb.  It's one of life's mysteries -- like why illustrationfriday.com forgets to post a new word on Friday (or sometimes, by Monday).  Therefore, we'll revisit "jail" with a blue jay feather.  Let's just consider it a jail bird, okay?

I danced happily around my house when Paul Manafort was ruled guilty last week.  I wanted to share my happiness with a friend and was surprised she was actually depressed about it.  "It's so sad there's so much criminal behavior going on these days", she said.  "Yeah, but we knew that!", I replied.  "It's a happy moment because one of the criminals has actually been found guilty!"  It was extra icing on my cake when I discovered Michael Cohen plead guilty in court at nearly the same time.

Manafort and Cohen's tax evasions cost all of the citizens money.  They stole from us.  If all this talk of Russian collusion turns out to be true, then that's another form of stealing from the people.  We should all be glad when criminals are caught and punished.

This goes beyond politics.  Republican Senator John McCain died this week and I'm sad for his family and the country.  I gave serious thought about voting for him once.  Of course this was before he gave us Sarah Palin, but I'm mostly over that now... well no, I'm not, but I'm working on forgiveness.

The point of my happy dancing is the feeling that maybe there are enough checks and balances and good people in the system to prevent the criminals around the world who are hell-bent on destroying democracy.  I want the guilty parties in jail and better laws to protect us from this kind of mess in the future.

Despite what we see, politics isn't a game or sport.  One side winning and the other losing is like a bad marriage.  The process of deciding what's best for a family is the same for our societal family.  For instance, when I was married every disagreement was war no matter how much I tried to find a middle ground.  I resented always being the peacemaker and never getting what I wanted.  When one side won't budge, there's no armistice, and eventually, no marriage.

In the 1860s, the US was in a similar situation.  The industrial North wanted to abolish slavery and punished the agricultural South with harsh tariffs.  The country split in two and fought the country's bloodiest war, and as it's been often said, neighbor against neighbor, brother against brother.  Those resentments still fester and play a part in the continuing racial issues in the country.

I want a better world and think it's possible to avoid this kind of conflict.  Compromise.  Punish criminals and traitors.  Protect citizens.  Do what's best for the majority while defending the rights of minorities.  It's possible.  Try.

John McCain often spoke about the need for regular order and reaching across the aisle, even when you have deep, fundamental differences with each other.  One of his best friends was Ted Kennedy, one of the most liberal senators in Congress.  May their lives be examples to all of us.

Unrelated to all of this, I keep meaning to take a new picture for my profile, but I never get around to it.  I've decided to let people see my inner child for a while instead, especially since my hair is kind of like this lately.

"Jail"

Last week a grand jury reported 300 Catholic priests in 6 Pennsylvania dioceses sexually abused 1,000+ children over 70 years.  The church hierarchy hid this information and abetted the criminals.  If there are records of 1,000 children, you know there were many more who were abused but not recorded.

None of this is a surprise.  In 1993, it was known the Church paid about $50 million per year to settle such problems in America.  Between 2003 to 2010, $1+ billion was paid in settlements in the U.S.  In 2002, a U.S. Council of Catholic Bishops (USCCB) report showed that of 195 dioceses and eparchies in the study "all but seven have reported... allegations of sexual abuse."  Published Vatican documents bare policies of secrecy and destruction of evidence.  As recently as 2016 the Catholic Church told newly ordained bishops they didn't need to report abuse allegations to the police.¹

This isn't an American problem.  Catholic clergy has spread its abuses across the world.  Irish orphanages were filled with hideous stories of abuse, neglect, and deaths.  Canada, Africa, South America, Asia, Australia, you name it, the same stories with different children and priests with a self-interested and/or indifferent Vatican to rule it all.

It has to stop.  The priests need to be put in jail.  Catholic parishioners need to stand up and say "No more!", and the first thing I'd suggest that you do is to stop donating money.   Do you really want to pay lawyers and hush money to victims?  Jesus is crying.

I'm also looking forward to the time U.S. political traitors are put in jail.  Maybe Paul Manafort will be sentenced this week?  That's a good start, but there are more where he came from.

I was a kid during Watergate.  I rushed home from school to watch the congressional proceedings every day.  Those events have had a life-long impact on my beliefs and votes.  I suspect current events will have a similar impact on another generation.  How ironic that "Lock her up!" was a campaign rally in the last election.  Lock them all up.

At the same time, this week's prompt reminds me of heroes imprisoned while trying to make the world a better place: Jesus, Gandhi, Mandela, civil rights activists in Russia, South America, China, and America.  I admire their bravery.  Most of us aren't as brave, but we can support the heroes.  I wish for the day when these kinds of sacrifices won't be necessary because we've become a better society for all.

To lighten things up on a dour word for the week, let me tell you I'm related by marriage to the guy who designed better handcuffs.  I want to say he was Grandma's first husband who was serving time for non-payment of child support, but I feel a bit wishy washy on my facts.²  It was a long time ago and before I existed.  I think he designed them because he didn't like getting manacled with heavy irons.  I have to chuckle about his problem-solving ingenuity.

Though... it seems a little ironic that I'm writing of heroes and sacrifice when I've obviously been pretty lazy drawing this week's word.  Hey, it's summer.  And hot.  Maybe next week?  :)

¹The Vatican released these guidelines prepared by French Monsignor Tony Anatrella, consultant to the Pontifical Council for the Family.  Some links you may find interesting on the topic of Catholic clergy abuse: bishopaccountability.org, Survivors Network of Those Abused by Priests (SNAP), Frontline: The Silence 

²Cousins, feel free to correct me if necessary.

"Squirrel 2"

I took a trip to Pennsylvania this week.  I won't mislead you, getting to PA isn't far on a well-maintained freeway; it's just far enough away to feel like I did something out the ordinary.  A friend got a new car and we christened it with a day trip to Presque Isle (which is actually a peninsula).  I don't recall seeing any squirrels, but "squirrel" was last week's word without a sign of a new one.

I tried to take photos of Baltimore orioles while I was there.  I was mostly unsuccessful since they're quick and camera shy.  No problem at all to walk up to Canada geese though, even with juveniles.  They're everywhere.  It's hard to believe they were an endangered species 100 years ago.

I'm pretty sure the world knows about the recent US treatment of immigrant children.  It's heart-breaking and a disgrace.  Of course this only applies to brown or black children as far as I know.  I find it so upsetting, especially since Trump goes out of his way to insult US allies and befriend dictators.  I hope there is a significant change in leadership in the next election and nobody blows up the world.  I miss Obama.

Ohio is a bellwether state, and I live in a bellwether area of it.  Racism exists, it's stupid to think otherwise, but people generally get along.  I haven't heard overt racism for a long time -- until lately.  Now I hear it more than I can bear.  I had a week of migraines after a woman I know well vented a racist tirade at me.  She's gone from "liberal" to supporting Trump and the Republican party.  I'm shocked and horrified.  Whatever talking heads on tv say about American voters, I suspect they're underestimating the liberation racists feel under this regime.  Be warned.  Get active.

I've been struggling with an existential crisis lately.  Are people good or evil?  I'm seeing too much horrible behavior and it's making my head explode.  I suspect I'd be happier if I quit watching the news, but I can't help myself.  The insanity is gripping because it's planned that way.  The reality tv star is just producing in a different show which he goes to great pains to keep interesting.

Let's change the tone of my lamentations.  Since I live near an international border, I see foreigners all the time.  I used to joke that Canada is our best state, but for some reason Canadians took offense.  Hey!  I'm giving you a compliment!  I said "best"!  I want health care and a smart, handsome, and sane leader.  Canada is beautiful and I really enjoy being around pleasant, polite people.

However, since the current US leader is waging a war on the borders, I suppose there's some sense in insulting Trudeau?  Watch this video about Cleveland BorderControl here.

The painting is a tidbit of my current art therapy project.  Can you identify the tools?  If you can, you're showing your age!  But I'm not judging.  These are things I know how to use and keep squirreled away.

And explain to me this... Why after bothering to drive to another state, why did my friend and I eat lunch at Applebee's?!

"Wealth"

Did you know a fortune cookie has 27 ½ calories?  That's ridiculous.  A ½ cup serving of Sylvia's turnip greens is 50, which includes actual food value and bacon bits.  I was sidelined with migraines this week and had some extra time to contemplate my food labels.  After some careful consideration, I decided 27 of the calories in a fortune cookie is in the fortune, so I didn't eat that part.

(...drumming my fingers on my keyboards trying very hard not to type anything about my traitor-filled, racist, misogynist government passing a bill to rob the poor and middle-class to give more wealth to the wealthy since I just ranted about sexual harassment last week.  The news may have been a contributing factor in my migraines?)

I've been privileged to live near or with wealthy people even though I never had any of that wealth myself.  It's nice to share their perks.  They have cool toys, great food, more land, house, privacy, and other stuff.  The thing is, they don't seem very happy.  They're often very lonely.  They don't trust anyone likes them for themselves, just for what others are trying to get from them.  They can feel guilty and inadequate for being over-blessed.

I sometimes call my childhood home "the slum of Willoughby Hills" because flood plain houses are often inexpensive, converted summer cottages while the uphill areas are generally middle to upper middle class, and my nearest neighbors had extreme wealth.  As a lonely child, I often visited the lonely old people ensconced in their mansions surrounded by their manicured and spacious estates.  I picked flowers for the old man with the golf cart.  I drank tea with the old lady amongst her doilies and fragile figurines.  I listened to their stories because nobody else listened to them anymore.

I made my rounds to the old people in The Glen too.  I wasn't particular about perks.  I enjoyed perks when I got them, didn't miss them when I didn't.  In some way I thought my rounds were my charity work.  In another way, I was getting friendship and attention.

I don't want to portray myself as somehow sainted for my charity visits.  I was bored.  When my childish energy couldn't take the echoing halls of mansions anymore, I ran around the grounds and I petted sheep and goats and fed apples to horses.  I liked being privileged enough to have the freedom to enjoy these special places that were worked by hired hands and admired only through windows.

Maybe the lesson I received from all my old people is patience?  Maybe it was the art of conversation?  To listen, to try to understand, to find common ground?

I hate seeing people ignoring each other while texting garbage on their phones.  Talk and listen with each other.  Share cookies.  Find ways to bridge differences and explore common ground.  I'll try to remember that when I'm incensed about the news.

"Time Travel"

I had a dream once...  I was told by an unknown force that time didn't behave the way I thought.  I was shown a flat piece of paper.  "You think time starts here and progresses to there."  A point on the left was indicated for the beginning, and a spot on the right for later.  "Time isn't like that."  The paper was crumpled up and a place was marked with a black marker where 2 folds touched.  "In reality, these times are close together."  The paper was smoothed out.  The black dots were far apart when the paper was flat.  "The universe has folds in it like the paper.  Some times are easily touched from the present, and the present isn't as absolute as you think."

Well!  Mess with my reality!  I couldn't imagine coming up with this idea on my own and wondered who was teaching me such things.

I woke up feeling like I ought to inform NASA or someone in authority about how time works.  Of course, I didn't.  Who needs a folder on themselves at a government agency documenting radical thinking?  (It's so much better to blog about it!)

Sometimes I think novels about time travel wouldn't exist if there wasn't some part of our minds that believes it's possible.  Why can't we peek through the veil at the past or future events?  Maybe it's just a deep desire to correct the tragedies of the past?  Anticipate the tragedies of the future?

Mostly, I try to avoid politics on this blog.  I have opinions.  I'm pretty sure regular visitors can guess my opinions.  I just want this to be a pleasant place instead of foot stomping rants about the general public's stupidity and ignorance.  Sometimes I wonder if I'd spoken up more before the last election whether or not I could've had an influence?  Probably not -- yet, what if all the sane people had spoken up more?  Maybe collectively we could've changed things?

Current events in the US and in other democracies are comparable to watching the destruction of Rome or the Nazi-fication of Germany.  Except, the present stupidity is worse than the fall of an empire or murder of specific types of people.  It will be in the 80s (F) this week in Ohio, that's not right.  People are dying in Puerto Rico and US Virgin Islands because the strength of hurricanes is part of climate change, and the government is slow to help these people because they're not white enough.  (...deleting obscenities...)  US officials aren't working to protect the safety of our elections because Russian interference worked out for Republicans.

If I could time travel, I'd like to peek ahead 50 years to see whether or not Earth still exists as we know it.  I'd go back in time and try to argue more persuasively to the idjits.

Unrelated, I have ranted about wildlife decimating my gardening efforts.  Since the groundhog kept eating my Swiss chard, I planted some in an indoor pot.  I couldn't understand why it didn't grow very well despite my best efforts.  I wondered if the groundhog had found a way inside -- and then I caught my dog eating it.  Varmints inside and out!

"Portrait"

I gave my first presidential vote to Jimmy Carter in 1980.  I also nullified my first vote by guilting my boyfriend to the polls where he voted for Reagan.  Bf didn't know much about either candidate, or any of the issues, he just thought Reagan seemed friendlier.  I learned a lot about how some people vote.

I know, I know, lots of people still lionize Reagan.  I fundamentally disagreed with him about environment concerns and the "Trickle Down Theory", but I can accept that people are allowed to disagree with me.  (Though, of course, the world will run better once everyone starts coming around to my point of view!)  We can reasonably criticize any of the US presidents.  They've all had flaws.

I recently had a conversation with a friend who lives in the DC political bubble, a guy who voted for Reagan twice.  He intelligently pointed out a slew of Carter's presidential flaws.  Okay, that's fair.  Carter made political mistakes.  He was also intelligent and far-sighted.  He put solar panels on the White House.  Think about how much farther we'd be along if he could've been better able to win people to addressing climate issues back then.

Years later, when Jimmy Carter was discovered to be quietly working on Habitat for Humanity homes, some started rethinking their opinions of him.  They see he's motivated to help people.  He's thoughtful and intelligent.

I think the political errors Carter made while in office came from a fundamental misunderstanding of the motivations of influential movers and shakers.  He is a decent human being who wants the best for the people in his country.  That doesn't motivate everybody.  I've had a terrible time trying to get my mind around this.  Not the part of Carter's motivations, the part about how there are others, many others, who don't give a damn about their country or about anybody but themselves.

I used to take drives with a pal of mine.  We drove through the parks and past pretty mansions.  We enjoyed each other's company and the beauty around us.  I didn't consider that someone else could take exactly the same drive and bemoan wasted land in the park, feel anger about maintenance taxes, and envy at the pretty houses.  A person like that can be judgmental towards my impractical aesthetics while I can be just as judgmental about their callous disregard for nature and craftsmanship... and never the twain shall meet.

Park levies pass easily in Greater Cleveland.  It isn't that everyone appreciates trees.  It's that some people appreciate trees, and the other people appreciate the fact that Cleveland's parks increase their property values.  Win/win... except some people still look at parks and fantasize about turning those trees into saleable lumber and an apartment complex.

I'm never going to agree with those people.  I'm never going to agree with someone like Paul Ryan who fantasized about getting rid of others' health care while he was still a student.  What's wrong with someone like that?

I wish our current president was more like Jimmy Carter.

"Resist"

"Toughen up, Buttercup!"

"Grow a heart, bitch!"

Oh, the fond memories of yesteryear when I was frequently labeled "too sensitive" and I wished that other people learned to have sympathy towards others.  Did I say "yesteryear"?  I mean now, since the US House of Representatives voted to punish poor people by taking away their health care while giving the largest tax break in history to the extremely wealthy in a bill most of the representatives didn't even read, under the guidance of the most pathologically disturbed and narcissistic president ever elected by a minority of the popular vote.

Keith Olbermann expresses my point of view on this (watch here), and as Keith says, "Resist!"

The bill passed by the House is unlikely to make it through the Senate, but I'm still upset by the evil in the people who voted for it so far and the people who support them.  These people don't care about the suffering of their neighbors.  Some of them actually want the poor people to die off so they'll quit straining the national budget through "entitlement programs".  Never mind that Social Security is one of those programs.  Don't confuse the reality with the my team won feel-good rallies.

At the heart of things, people are worshipping false idols.  Money and fame are mirages.  Do you ever contemplate what you'll be thinking about on your death bed?  What really matters to you?  What is your legacy?  Are you proud of your life?  What will people say about you once you're gone?

I once attended a funeral for a man whom I knew through work.  I was surprised that his daughters spoke at the funeral about how much he had put into his job.  That's it.  No funny stories about loving father/daughter moments.  Everything he did was in pursuit of money, yet the business he spent his life creating doesn't even exist anymore.  What was the point?  That he could buy really expensive suits or that he had a really nice house that he hardly spent time in?  I thought it was the saddest funeral I've ever attended.  His "success" is a parable I look at when I think about not wasting my life.

When I die, I want people to say something else about me.  I don't really know what I'd want them to say, but something besides "She worked until 11:30 p.m. every night and every weekend!"  "She had the best silverware and the nicest manicures!"  "She shared the cutest kitty pic on Facebook!"  There has to be something more to life than that.  Nothing against hard work or kitty pics, but there has to be more.

All of us play a part in creating the world we live in.  Everything we say, everything we create, everything we buy, every politician we support has an impact on the world.  Live your life like it matters, because it does.

Resist!