"Tape"

My grandparents taped all sorts of unlikely things together.  I found a crystal lamp I admired was broken and "cellophane" taped together when I was clearing out their house, not to mention other broken and taped things I discovered.  I could've been disappointed by the damage, but I was glad they were resourceful, and grateful they let kids play amongst their treasures.  This tolerance, support, and example had a lot of impact on my development -- necessary towards success according to GRIT The Power of Passion and Perseverance by Angela Duckworth.

Angela's book is well researched and readable.  It also challenges a lot of what many of us think about achieving success.  Let me summarize her main point like this: what matters most is how hard someone is willing to work towards success, and people aren't willing to work that hard unless they have passion for what they're doing.

I've gotten irritated when people have said "You're so talented!"  Most people don't understand my irritation because they think that's a compliment, but I'd like my hard work to get noticed.  I've put in a crazy amount of time, money, and study into my art.  I put in all that time because I enjoyed it and got occasional praise for it, key factors towards success per Angela.

I was also musically talented, but didn't pursue that.  There was a nice girl in my chorus with much less "talent".  It would be generous to call her a "fair" singer.  I saw her many years later and discovered she's a professional singer with a voice that puts mine to shame.  She studies and practices obsessively to always get better.  Good for her and congratulations for her success.

The prevailing wisdom is if you spend 10,000 hours (10 yrs.) studying and practicing something, you'll become an expert.  You won't put that much time into something unless you're really passionate about it.  You also won't get that many hours into something if you spread your passions to multiple topics of study.

I've been giving this a lot of thought.  If you'd asked me to identify my one passion before reading this book, I would've answered "art".  Now, I wonder if that's true.  Yes, I've spent my 10,000 hrs. and more, my heart palpitates at a masterpiece, but I haven't been painting like I once did.  If I look at my efforts in the last couple years, I've spent more time studying narcissism than on art.  I'm well on my way to being a narcissist "expert" (to the stretched patience of some who hear me talk about it).

I look at the things I care about: art, writing, politics, history, psychology, education, the environment... and feel concerned Angela would say I'm too spread out for my best success.  What is the connecting thread?  After some serious soul searching, I think my personal mission statement is understanding myself and others in order to achieve better mental health and happiness -- and I'd like to share the things I've learned through the talents I've spent my 10,000 hours upon.

There are too many things in the book for me to consolidate into a 1-page blog post.  I hope you read the book.  I got a lot out of it and I hope you do too.

This is another piece I did for the Mensa Bulletin for a fictional article about wanting to break out of school.  I don't think even Grandpa could tape that wall back together.

"Wheels"

Last week I wrote, "I finished painting my computer room this weekend.  It was a lot of work for such a small room, and my stuff is still scattered around the rest of the house.  I'm tired and sore."  This is all still true, except I'm still painting that room. 

I had painted three walls light gray and the fourth lavender.  It looked pretty good, but I just couldn't bring myself to love the lavender wall.  I bought fabric to make curtains, but couldn't love the idea of curtains either.  I kept handling the fabric and decided I wanted pull down shades instead, but I don't know how to get my fabric to be a pull down shade (and washable).  I noticed that lavender wall again and decided what I really wanted was to paint the pattern on the wall.

Still painting leaves.
Planning to cover the whole wall.

Sometimes my ideas are a bother.  I hate painting walls -- though for those of you who like doing it, there's always someone who wants a mural and will pay for it.  I became a "professional" artist in high school painting walls and window signs.

My dislike of wall painting hasn't stopped me.  I'm using the gray paint to paint the leaf pattern on the lavender and loving the results.  Hopefully at some point I'll stop fussing around in that room and actually put the computer back in the computer room.

The jeep is another piece I did for the Mensa magazine.  I only intended to do one illustration for them, but the art editor kept getting me to do "just one more".  I was enjoying myself so I let her talk me into it.  The article was about action in Vietnam and I conferred with a vet pal because the art editor made a point of saying I had to get the right model year.

My pal and I talked on the phone and Googled photos together.  Reference is so much easier now than when I started out  In the olden days I might've had to go to the library, use the card catalog and everything.  (Which I know only makes sense to people over 50.) 

I had to make a "morgue" for one of my teachers when I was in school, photos I painstakingly cut out of magazines and filed for future reference.  It's in the pile of stuff that I'm debating about whether or not to return to my computer room.  I also have folders of ideas and inspiration, folders of artists I like, "how to" instructions, etc., etc., etc.  I almost never use any of this stuff and probably don't need it.  The idea of throwing it away feels like ripping my security blanket away though.  What if I need to make an origami alligator sometime?!

The more I think about this, the more I'm thinking that it's time to let some of this go -- or revive it.  Sometimes we come across a great picture online.  Sure, we could come back to it -- if we remember where we saw it in the first place.  We may not need that picture now, but some day we may want a face that's lit in just that way or a spotted toad or whatever.

Let me say that "reference" is a tool to help us, but isn't something we should copy faithfully.  We should do something new with the inspiration because the original already exists.  I don't remember the exact copyright law, but it's something like changing 60% or more from the original.  Copying can be a good tool when we're starting out and learning, but the result isn't something you can sell.

I also keep things I call "art starts".  These are painted backgrounds, textures, objects, whatever that I can use again.  I still use these a lot.  Why should I paint a graduated blue watercolor background again when I've already painted that once and can PhotoShop it into a new piece?  I have lots of patterns that I can drop in when I need them and a deadline looms.

These are things I learned from old guys when I started out.  I miss being in a studio with them teaching me things and laughing.  I wish newer artists got the benefit of their wisdom.  I'm grateful I got to live the experience.

"Tattoo"

I suppose we should all be happy that so many people have tattoos.  They're supporting art.  Unfortunately a lot of it's bad art and can interfere with getting an x-ray, but the trend lets more people suffer for their art and since I sometimes suffer making art, I like feeling understood.  If you've got a tattoo and you're happy, then I'm happy for you.

Onto other things.  I'm going to paint my computer room, the room where I store the bulk of my art supplies, reams of paper, rocks, etc., etc.  I've spent my weekend moving most of it into other rooms for the duration.  Moving some of this stuff brought up emotions, memories, dust, and dog hair.  I swear I'll move out of the house before painting this room again!  Today, I'm moving onto spackling water damage from a previously faulty gutter.  I watched a nice Australian man's video about how to do it.  I wish he were here to do it for me.

What I really want to do is show another piece that got printed in Mensa's 50th anniversary magazine.  The article is about word play, including "peppering Saracens".  I showed the magazine to the ladies who work in my department.  I got my atta girls and considered my bragging done.  Another woman came in so I showed her too.  She was excited and asked to show it around the building.  I let her do my bragging for me.

Maybe you get lots of positive reinforcement.  Betty showing off my work made me face that I've gotten a lot of negatives.  Art can be a competitive, brutal business.  You often get lots of criticism and revisions, and "good job!" is seldom in the vocabulary.

I spend my days with data at work.  The ladies in my dept know I've worked as an illustrator, but the other people didn't.  I liked it that way, maybe because I've spent so much of my life identifying myself first and foremost as an artist.  It was/is so much of how I think of myself, it's nice to be known for other traits -- or maybe I just didn't want to deal with more criticism and suggestions?

I went home that day feeling mighty pleased with myself.  People stopped me in the hall to say they were impressed.  I've been waiting a long time to be able to show this magazine and it felt good to be praised for it.  I felt a flicker of life and hope inside. They especially liked the parts that I spent stupid amounts of time doing.  (They loved my forks!)  Joy, joy, joy and I started to remember I really like getting this kind of feedback.  It motivated me to go into art for a living.

I've often been told to be demure.  Don't be so full of yourself.  Fact is, I think most of us beat ourselves up instead of bragging, and abuse isn't a good motivator.  If you want to get anywhere, sometimes you have to sing your own praises.  People who have my best interests at heart will sing them with me and share in the happiness I feel in my accomplishments.

Lots of people want to break into the art field.  Go for it.  I wish you happiness and success.  Don't let my artistic PTSD stop you.  I'm enjoying having a paycheck doing other things and exploring art as a pleasure again.  I'm happy for doing art I wanted to do for this magazine and pleased to cash the check!

"Prince"

I watched a Prince retrospective on tv and dreamt his songs all night.  I didn't even know I knew that many Prince songs.  I never paid that much attention to him, or at least that's what I thought when I heard he died this week.  I sent a condolence email to a friend of mine who looooved him and thought that's that, but the retrospective reminded me Prince was a changing factor in the world.

I'd forgotten about how he wrote "slave" on his cheek when he was mad at his record company.  He took control of his music, dressed like he wanted, wrote what he wanted, didn't talk to the media very much, and overall, I respected him.  He was role model to my friend, and I'm realizing he played that for me too in subtler ways.  His was a life well lived.  RIP and thank you.

I know, lots of people think they can't succeed for one reason or another.  Prince was an abused 5' 2" epileptic, effeminate black man.  That would be enough to stop most people from trying.  There are lots of incredibly talented people who never make it.  I suspect the biggest reason is because they don't believe they can so they never really try.

Many times I've been told to have "realistic" expectations.  Dream lower.  Don't be so full of myself to think I have what it takes to compete.  The people who've told me these things didn't want me to succeed.  People can be like a nest of hungry birds.  If a sibling gets a coughed up worm, that's one more worm the others didn't get.  They try to keep you weak so you can't lift your head.  Fighting in the nest takes so much work you can't fight for yourself in the greater world.

I don't want to get on stage like Prince.  I just want the best successes for the talents I have.  I finally received the Mensa 50th Anniversary Bulletin magazine for which I did 5 illustrations.  I love it when I see my work in print!  This full-page piece is for an article a father wrote about his elevator-loving, autistic son.  It was the first piece I've done like this in a long time, and I pushed myself and fought my inner critic to do it.  (Pat, pat myself on the head.)  Alright, I'm still fighting my inner critic because Isee things I'd like to fix, but enough.  I did it!  I feel a bit like the happy boy in the illustration.

The first step in doing it was deciding to try.  I wrote the art editor, attached samples, and expressed desire.  I got a response and had to maintain that desire.  It didn't help that I hated the first article she sent me.  When I rejected it, I felt like I'd shot myself in the foot, but she came back with this article and I was happy again.  I then went about the illustration in all the wrong ways and had to keep myself motivated to succeed.

My fights were entirely within myself.  The art editor gave me more articles.  Each got easier to accomplish as I went along.  I rejected a cover article because it just wasn't me, and that felt good too.

Prince set an example.  The autistic boy is another.  There are regurgitated worms for all of us if we dream, follow through, learn, and succeed.

"Smart"

I have the perfect post for "smart", but I can't show it until April.  Such a shame.  You see, I've been doing illustrations for the magazine "Mensa Bulletin" for their 50th anniversary edition.  This isn't making me rich, but I'm enjoying doing it, and I am getting paid.  Well, they said I'd get paid.  I haven't actually seen any money yet.

Mensa is a group for people who score in the top 2% of IQ tests.  I don't like to admit it very often, but I'm a card-carrying member.  I find this embarrassing, I suppose like someone in AA would feel.  If you're an alcoholic around other alcoholics, it's perfectly fine to admit you're a drunk.  If you're smart, it's okay to admit you're a geek to other geeks.  They're my people.  I love them.  We have great conversations over bagels. 

I learned cool stuff about mercury from a respected chemist this month, and he seemed tickled to find someone interested in learning about it.  I have no plans to do anything with mercury, and he won't repair his mercury clock because filling it with mercury would be too heavy and toxic.  I know, nobody else cares.  That's why there's a group for people who like to learn completely useless stuff, where nobody rolls their eyes at us.

I've spent a lot of my life hiding my brains because it's so uncool.  Being "too smart" can get you beat up on the playground, though luckily I never had that problem.  I suppose some people feel intimidated by Mensans, but I've found most of them to be open and helpful in explaining anything and everything that anyone else wants to know.  They're like Labrador retriever mutts.  Stick!  Cool!  Let me get that for you!  Do you want another stick?  Squirrel?  Sock?  Ball!!!

My original plan in joining in my 20s was to find someone interesting to date.  That accomplished, I let my membership lapse.  It wasn't until a lot of years later, and the breakup of another relationship, that I decided that I just wanted to hang out with my kind.  I discovered my brain was really, really rusty.  I felt intimidated and didn't say much until I discovered that Mensans are just like everyone else.  They've got opinions and biases.  They're nice or not.  The only thing you know they've got in common is that they're good at taking tests.

Many of the members are scientists and engineers, though there are a splattering of artists mixed in.  I think plenty of artists would qualify if they believed they could because artists often have that same kind of interest in everything.  Artists devote a lot of time to reading and studying all sorts of things.  There's a young lady in my group who loves Harry Potter as much as I do.  It's not all about molecular chemistry.  We spent an afternoon coloring together recently.

Sometimes the young daughter of a member comes to our group.  She colored with us too, and she blends as well as the grandparents in our group.  Age, sex, color, etc. doesn't matter, and I really enjoy diversity.

I can't show you my illustrations until after the magazine comes out, but this hand is a teaser.  It's about 1" x 1 1/2" of a full-page.  The art editor likes my efforts and gave me another full page to do.  Yay!  I expect to fully enjoy my weekend :)